Random Esquire

I was having a little tete-a-tete, so to speak, with MindyMom tonight and she mentioned chocolates, wine, and the Lifetime channel.  I asked if she was really watching Lifetime and she said she wasn’t …but if The Notebook was on, she probably would be.

*gag*

I informed Mindy that I’d rather claw my eyes out.  Her response? “It’s good. I cry every time.”

WTH?

You know what I’m watching?  Your Worst Animal Nightmares.  Description of tonight’s episode: “A shark attacks a group of swimmers, ripping off one person’s leg; the first victim of a funnel-web-spider bite is treated with a new anti-venin.”

Guess what?

No crying.

I informed Mindy that I don’t like depressing movies.  She told me that The Notebook isn’t depressing and then she dared me to watch it without crying.

Dude.  But I don’t want to cry.  Who the hell wants to cry?  I don’t remember when I last cried.

Mindy said, “You have to watch it!  You’ll cry!”

And that’s when I realized who I was dealing with.  You see,…

Mindy is a Cry Pusher.

You have be on alert for Cry Pushers.  What they do is identify a moment of weakness and then swoop in with a soothing whisper of, “It’s okay…let it out.”   Everyone once in a while, you’ll get the hard core Cry Pusher who will try this one: “It feels good.”

But, you argue, I have nothing to cry about.

Oh, says the Cry Pusher, You just need a movie.  Here, take this.

And then they hand you Love Story or The Notebook, looking pleased.

That’s right.  They give you something to cry about.  Remember when that used to be a threat?  When your mom or dad would say that they’d give you something to cry about?  Well, that’s now an over-the-counter drug.  The dealer?

Cry Pushers.