Random Esquire

I’ve had this conversation a few times with women – about breasts and what makes for nice breasts.  I can only tell you my own observations and opinions on this topic and naturally, I am a little tongue in cheek about it.  But…as far as I can tell, there are three overall things that might define nice breasts – in order – from least important to most important.

Size

Size matters.  But probably not as much as I once thought that it did.  Size makes a difference.  But probably not as much as other things.

It may seem like the attraction to breasts is purely based upon size but that’s probably a gross oversimplification.  It’s just that breast size is the most obvious thing about them.  Large breasts usually have some movement to them and, like a dinosaur, it’s the movement that captures the the eye.  But really?  I don’t have a walnut sized dinosaur brain and I can see things that aren’t swaying with every step.

At one point in my life, I thought that C-cups were sort of perfect.  Not too big, not too small.  Perfect!  Then I met and fell in love with a woman with DD breasts.  And I’ll be damned if they weren’t perfect.  Then along into my life came a series of women with B-cups.  And my god, those were perfect, too.  Saying that you love breasts but only large breasts is like saying you love women but only love blondes.

I sometimes refer to breasts as … a snack tray.  Yes, I realize that makes me sound a little bit like an asshole.  But it isn’t entirely off base.  They are like a snack.  Like an appetizer.  An amuse bouche, if you will.  Something to whet the appetite.  Something that makes you hungry for more.

Which leads us to …

(more…)

1.  Have you ever acted like an idiot cause you were sort of upset about something?  And realized it about half-way through the event?  At some point where you could sort of decide if you were just gonna go with it or if you were going to immediately reel it in and fess up to acting stupid?

And then you realize that it’s sort of incredible that you’re contemplating consciously acting like an idiot as a viable alternative to not acting like an idiot?

Ridiculous, thy name is Random.

2.  I took Besos to brunch and then to see Whip It.  It wasn’t exactly a chick flick, per se, but if asked, I’m going to claim that I’ve met my sensitivity quotient for the week.

3.  I’m pretty convinced that marriage is just a higher form of adoption.  The woman ends up with a ‘starter kid’ – a husband, before bustin’ out with the real thing.  Like easing your way into a swimming pool.

Instead of asking, “Will you marry me?” maybe men should ask, “Will you adopt me and take me home?”

But what the hell do I know?