Random Esquire

1.  Sometimes I say something and then have no idea why it came out of my mouth.   I was getting a birthday card for my sister and I decided to get a Thanksgiving Day card for my niece and nephew.  Then I saw these turkey stickers and got those to stick in the envelope.  The sticker package was too long so I had to cut off the top to get them into the envelope.

Except, I don’t have scissors.  Ahhh, but the nice young woman in the corner cubicle by Fresh Express has scissors!

So I knocked lightly on her wall and peeked over. She looked up and smiled.  I said, “Hi, [perfectly nice co-worker]. May I borrow your scissors?”

She said, “Sure!” and picked them up out of a pen cup on her desk to hand them to me and as she did so, I suddenly said one of those stupid things that I think will be funny but oftentimes is not.

I said, “… to cut my toenails.”

She looked up at me looking at her.

And then I grinned broadly.

I made myself grin so she’d know I was kidding.  The thing is, I have a really dry sense of humor and I’ve been told before that people don’t know when I’m joking or when to take me seriously.  But have you ever seen someone grin on purpose?  They just look stupid.

The good news? She laughed.  The even better news?  She said, “You can keep them when you’re done.”

Random FTW!

2.  I’m going to spare you all this story in detail but suffice to say that Fresh Express misunderstood a situation today and briefly believed that I’d had a baby with a co-worker.  A married co-worker.  I admit… the baby may have looked a little like me.  (Basically, Fresh Express rounded a corner and saw me standing next to my co-worker and the baby and she did this slow look from me… to my co-worker…then to the baby…then back to me….  In an instant, we all knew what she was thinking)  *sigh*

But that baby?  Not mine.

This story delighted Instigator to no end who proceeded to tease me mercilessly.

3.  All right, I’m off to head back downtown to see The Addams Family.  Someone please play with the monster.

As you may recall, I watch Jeopardy and am convinced that there is always one jacked up contestant.  Today’s episode began innocently enough with this very normal looking woman:

And to answer your question, yes – I paused the show to take a picture of my television.

NEXT up…was THIS man in a kelly green jacket, yellow shirt and red tie.

I’m not making this shit up, people.  DO YOU RECOGNIZE HIS GLASSES?

Can you believe this guy?  This is what it would look like if Ronald McDonald’s tried to integrate into normal life.

And finally, we had the returning champion.  Who wore a corset.

See? Jeopardy is interesting.