Random Esquire

1.  You know how I said that marriage was basically a higher form of adoption?  I just want to make it clear that I think Woody Allen took that a bit far.

2.  So… I was invited to a Halloween party by a young woman.  Said party is an “Eyes Wide Shut” Halloween party.  The servers?  Costumed and masked models.

!!!

Said young woman is not Besos.

So I politely declined.

That doesn’t mean I won’t still dress up like this to terrorize Besos.

3.  My mother called me this afternoon while I was in the office.  She was also downtown.  I said, “Would you like to go to lunch?”  She said, “It’s too late for lunch… but I am doing volunteer work until 6.”

I know a hint when I hear one.

I said, “Oh! That’s perfect.  How about we get dinner together?”

What do you know? She said yes.

4.  Remember when I climbed on top of my kitchen counter to get picture of Little Filthy nabbing banana?

I think may try a series of pictures of him in the bathtub.  Except I’m pretty sure that the angle I want may require me to be in the bathtub at the same time.  Negotiations are ongoing.

5.  I went to a conference this morning.  It was mainly nerds.  In fact, during one of the keynote speakers, I looked around and realized that there were about 10 women I could see in a room of over 1,000 men.  And you know what?  I swear every one of those nerds was wearing cologne.  I wanted to clobber them all.

First, you don’t marinate in it.  Second, you’re at a conference.  Not a speed dating seminar.  Third, there are 10 women here.  Even if you mouth breathers had a fight to the death, those women would be long gone by the time you found your inhaler after Round 3.

Huh.  Turns out I really am a little surly on Wednesdays.