Random Esquire

1.  I was picking up some apples at the grocery store with my cart thing tucked next to some stand nearby.  A woman zipped by and ran smack into my cart.  She didn’t bump into it, she smacked right into it and let out an “Oomph!”  What the hell?  It looked like it hurt so I took a step forward and said, “Are you okay?”  She said, “yes, thanks.”  She was sort of feeling her midsection and I just started laughing. I couldn’t help it – it was the most ridiculous thing.  Who runs full tilt into a freakin’ grocery cart?  I said, “I feel like we’re supposed to exchange insurance information.”  She said something like, “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”  And then she zipped off.

2.  There’s this dude in a Rascal cart thing.  Look about mid fifties and he was talking to the manager.  He said, “I just want whatever is cheap.  I mean, you work here! You must know.  Get me stuff that is cheap.”  I couldn’t hear the manager’s response but the guy then said, “I don’t care what it is. I just need food that’s cheap. I will pay for it. I don’t expect to get it for free.”  And I’ll be damned, the manager said, “Okay…well, let’s start in dry goods.”  And off they went.  Dude, that is some patience right there.

3.  In line, checking out.  I turned around while my stuff was being scanned and observed the customer who was in the line next to mine.  He was peering into a plastic container filled with small Snickers bars.  Each customer line had a similar container as a small reward for a charitable donation.  He reached in and plucked out a few candy bars and shoved them into his pocket.

Normally, I am pretty low key about stuff like this but before I had time to even think about it, I leaned over and said, “You’re supposed to donate for breast cancer research before helping yourself.”  He said a few choice words back before taking his bags and leaving.   Both his cashier and my cashier were watching intently, probably wondering if they should intervene.  Man, I wanted to throw a can at the back of his head.   Instead, I grit my teeth.  Asshole.

4.  Man, I sure write a whole lot about absolutely nothing.