Random Esquire

Have you heard of Humorism? It is belief that the body is healthy if the four humors are in balance – black bile, yellow bile, phlegm and blood.

Well, those humors are a bunch of crap. I’ll tell you what the four humors really are.

a) Sex
b) Food
c) Attention
d) Sleep

If any of those four things are not in balance, I am grumpy. I am always in a good mood unless one of those four things has somehow gone awry. If I am stomping around, Besos need only run through that list to figure out what it could be and sure enough, I’m either horny, hungry, needy, or sleepy.   And the solution is simple: Fuck me, feed me, pet me, put me to bed.

I could have been a doctor.