Random Esquire

1.  I watched The Sound of Music last night with a friend.  What a scandalous movie, really.  He stole a nun and then took her on a month long honeymoon.  I mean, I get that she’s got a lot to discover… but a month?  They’ve pretty much guaranteed themselves additional brood.  And at one point, Uncle Max called the children a bunch of “gloomy pussies.”  I bet they re-write that line in modern productions.  It got better when it went all Indiana Jones at the end and the Nazis got their comeuppance. Then I realized that if this whole thing happened in the present, it’d be a reality show.  Nun mom trying to deal with 7 step children… while pregnant.

2.  Little Filthy got a bath.  This has endeared him to me.  Enough that I sent a text message to his mom, Boss, who is currently in Florida with family:

RE: When you comin’ back?

Boss: In a day or two.

RE: Hurry!

Boss: Why for?

RE: Cause the dog is cute right now, how he’s sleeping.

Boss: Ok.  Don’t let him move.  For 48 hours.

RE: He won’t.  I glued him.

3.  My Neighbor was over for a bit yesterday.  She brought Barnabas, her pug, over.  Little Filthy promptly showed him how to remove kleenex from the box.  Neighbor and I gaped as Barnabas delicately tried to pull a kleenex from the box.  She said to me, “You realize who you’re raising?”  I turned to her and said, “Uh oh. Who?”

She said, “Alvin.  You’re raising Alvin.  And my dog is just one of those innocent other chipmunks.”

I said, “Oh, like Simon?”

She sighed and said, “I’m afraid Barnabas is more like…Theodore.”

We’re raising monsters.

Fox and Hound