Random Esquire

1.  I saw a pregnant woman wearing a bluetooth device today.  It made me think of Groucho Marx.

Hear me out.

There’s a long rumored (and widely suspected untrue) story that during a taping of You Bet Your Life, Groucho Marx interviewed a pregnant woman who already had something like 17 children.  He asked her, more or less, why she had so many children.  She said something along the lines of, “I love my children who are my purpose here on Earth…and I love my husband.”

To which Groucho replied, “Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.”

That’s a paraphrase of this rumor.  But you get my point.  When I looked at this woman I thought, “I know you love that thing but take it out of your ear once in a while.”

2.  The Ballerina IM’d me earlier today – a little excited to tell me about a dream she had.  I was on a conference call so I watched as she told the story:

“OMG.”

“i just remembered”

“so i had this dream last night.”

“i was at some sort of . . . camp.”

“it was all girls.”

(*PAUSE*  Are you smiling?  So was I.  *RESUME*)

“and i was new or something”

“so we all slept in one room like in bunks”

(*bastard smile*)

“and then i was shown to the other room where each girl had a little cubby to hang her PANTIES”

(*BLINK*)

“it was a room entirely dedicated to storing everyone’s panties, by camper.”

“so naturally i felt pressured to make sure my best panties were always on display.”

By this point, I was trying hard not to laugh during my call.  I asked if I could re-tell this little ditty.  The Ballerina said:

“you know naturally i assume all conversations with you are fodder for the internet.”

Busted.  But look, if you’re going to have dreams about a campsite full of girls who leave their panties in another room, well, yes, you can very well expect that I am going to blog about it in just the worst possible way.

It’s what I do.

I. . .

am a blogger.