Random Esquire

1.  Besos is cooking dinner for me on Wednesday. She mentioned flan.

Flan from a box.

Flan mix.

Flan.

Which has, like, 4 ingredients.

I immediately questioned her Mexicanity.  I mean, her Mexicanicity.

But I’ll still eat the flan.

And probably ask for seconds.

2.  Along the lines of stupid shit I’ve said to Besos… let’s discuss her nose.  I say it makes her look Spanish.  Here’s a rough recap of our conversation:

RE: You look Spanish.  I’m just going to say you’re Spanish.

Besos: What?!

RE: Spanish women are hot!

Besos: But I am Mexican! You only think I look Spanish because of that bump on my nose. Do you know how I got that bump?

RE: No.  How?

Besos: When I was a child, some kid punched me in the nose!

*pause*

RE: I’m not gonna lie, … That kid did you a favor.

Besos: *Scream*

3.  Speaking of Besos, her mother just came into town. I will most likely meet said mother. I will have to be on good behavior.

But seriously, people, have you met me?  It’s almost impossible to get me on good behavior.  The minute I’m supposed to behave, I just want to do all sorts of bad things.  I don’t think I can help it.  I mean, for about three weeks, whenever Besos called me, I answered the phone, “Housekeeping!”

Do you see? Do you see how perilous these next two weeks can be?!

1.  I torture Besos.

I mean, not in a truly mean way.  In a fun way.  It’s fun torture.

She got to my place last night after a long day at work.  I had made her dinner.  She ate, exhausted and hungry after a long day.  When she had finished, I looked at my watch and announced that she had 30 minutes to digest.

She stared back at me.

I said, “You know… before we do it.”

Frankly, I think she was impressed at my thoughtfulness.

(+1 Random.)

2.  I called Besos today while we were both working.  She is oftentimes with someone in her office.  She answered, “Besos speaking.”

I said, “Helllooooo.”

She replied, “Honey, I have someone in my office.  Can I call you right back?”

I said, “You can touch your boobs and say my name.”

She said (through what sounded almost like gritted teeth), “RANDOM!”

Obviously, however, she used my real name.

I hung up.

(Tie/Draw)

3.  She called me back.  She said, “Hello,” in that meaningful way.

I said, “What?  You didn’t want to touch your boobs and say my name?”

She said, “Oh, I did.  Didn’t you hear me say your name?  I was touching my boobs in front of people in my office.”

*Blink*

Sometimes, it is less fun when she plays along.

(+1 Besos)

Dammit!

So, you may recall that Besos has long, straight hair.

Exhibit 1

Exhibit 2

Except, not really.

Besos has straight hair like soccer moms have blond hair.  That is to say:  She totally does not.

I know this.  But I rarely *see* the alternative.  This is because she will blow dry it straight.

Except, last weekend, I did not give her much opportunity to blow dry her hair after her shower.  Or dry off, for that matter, before I chased her down the hall.

The result?

Her hair was a wild mane of curls.  Ringlets and big curls.

At some point, while *cough* making with the whoopie pancakes, I realized that I found the wild hair very, very attractive.

And then I realized part of the reason why I found it so attractive.

Because it was like having sex with a different woman.

Like sex with another woman and we’re having sex for the first time and I know exactly what she likes and she does everything I like.

WTF!

I wondered, briefly, if I should feel badly about this.  I decided to consult Bev.  Her diagnosis?  “Guys like variety.”

Hmm.

I concluded that I needn’t feel badly.  Mainly because I think it’s normal.  And also because I told Besos and she laughed and said she was glad I liked her hair.

I informed her tonight that while I am seeing straight haired Besos, I am having an affair on the side with curly haired Besos and curly hair Besos was dirty minded and completely uninhibited.

She said we could test that theory.

But then I realized…straight haired Besos is dirty minded and completely uninhibited.

Random FTW!

How about one more picture of Besos?  Okay, you convinced me.  After the cut.

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Contemplative Besos

vs.

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