Random Esquire

1. I got a culinary chubby the other day.  Here’s how it happened.

I walked down the hall toward my loft and smelled… Cake and bacon.  Cake and bacon!  I think that if I had smelled coffee, I might have flopped around on the ground.

2.  There’s something satisfying about eating food *off* of something.

Like, ribs.  Or corn on the cob.  Or food on a stick.  Whatever.

3.  Instigator was in my office today and we were talking about a recent dinner out after which… we hugged each other.  See, we’re co-workers.  So we don’t hug each other – despite the fact that Instigator is my work girlfriend.

I asked Instigator,  “Is that the first time we’ve hugged?”

Instigator stared at me.  She said, “What?”

I repeated, “Is that the first time we’ve hugged?”

Her eyes got larger and she said, “WHAT?”

I said, “I asked if that is the first we have ever hugged each other.”

Instigator said, “Oh my God, I thought you asked if that was the first time we fucked.”

I burst out laughing and then I said it a few times outloud again and sure enough, it does sort of sound like I asked her if that was the first time we’d fucked.

I’ll see if HR calls me tomorrow.

Remember that jackass who made up sniglets?  words that aren’t in the dictionary but should be?

Well, I’ve got two I’d like him to brainstorm on.

A)  That bogus thin strip of bacon on the end of a package;

and

B)  That bit of hardened lotion that gets stuck in the pump and causes the lotion to squirt on the wall unexpectedly.

BOGUS.

Oh, and while we’re at it, do you know what Jergen’s lotion looks like on the wall?

Ayup.