Random Esquire

1. While in Paris, a conversation struck up amongst us Americans about bidets. One young woman said that her friend at home in Michigan had a bidet …and that said friend’s teenage daughter loved it.

*blink*

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

2. Despite crawling through my front door very late on Sunday, I managed to get to the office on Monday morning and take The Ballerina to dinner that night. After we watched some TV and I dropped her off at home, I think I’d been awake about 50 hours straight. Anyway, back to my point - when making dinner plans with The Ballerina, she sent me a text that said she was buying perfume. At dinner, I learned that it was her “Summer perfume.” I must have looked puzzled because she told me that she buys a new perfume for each season. She shoved a wrist across the table and I smelled. I admit. She smelled nice. You know, it’s sort of ridiculous that I find these high maintenance habits charming in a person.

3. While in Italy, I was rather aggressively approached by someone who, in a not so subtle manner, suggested making love for two hours. A complete stranger, mind you. This was in front of a group of people who broke out into wide grins and watched my awkward handling of the situation. Had it been someone else *cough* in Italy, I’d have gladly grabbed her hand and ran off to the nearest dark corner but, as it was….not so much.

4. Since I returned from Europe, I have a new goal: I am going to become an alcoholic. I realize this is setting the bar rather low for most attorneys but as someone who just doesn’t drink much, I now realize that it wasn’t for any other reason other than I’d been drinking the wrong thing. Now, however, I have seen the light. By 10 a.m. this morning, I’d purchased a 12 pack of Erdinger Weisbier and Warsteiner Dunkel. Nothing will quite recapture Switzerland, Austria or Germany but I’ll give it a go. Maybe I should ask Plush to wear this:

I realize it may be terribly boring to listen to vacation stories so I will keep them to a minimum. Here’s where I went and a highlight from each:

Paris, France - I want to move here and marry a French woman. Highlight: Musee D’Orsay was more than I expected.

Beaune, France - Tried wines in underground caves/tunnels below a convent.

Switzerland - Paragliding in the Alps. Also, discovered that I love Dunkle Perle.

Austria - Down a luge and hiking through the Alps across the border into Germany and going to Neuschwanstein Castle. Austrian women prove to be…better than expected.

Venice - Managed to convince someone to give me a poster advertising a movie festival. Got yelled at by three Italian women as I tried to pry off a poster about dance for The Ballerina. Night gondola ride proves actually rather cool.

Florence - Stayed at a Tuscan Villa straight out of a movie. Ridiculously charming.

Rome - Oy, where to begin. This city captured me. Everything about Rome was…fascinating and charming. Including the women.

In fact, especially the women.

1. I was invited to a cocktail party at the Chicago Opera House tomorrow night - to the 2008 Gala of the Alliance Francaise de Chicago, in support of this non-profit organization that promotes film, music, theater, literature, cooking and all things l’art de vivre. Providing food and drink at the dinner will be The Ritz Paris, L’Ecole Ritz Escoffier, Colin Field & the Hemingway Bar, and Djordje Varda & l’Atelier Floral du Ritz. I have not yet decided if I will attend but if I do, it will be to people watch as the National Restaurant Association gathering is here in Chicago this weekend and there will surely be some notables about.

2. I have spent much of the past week concentrating on finalizing work issues and packing for my trip. In the upcoming weeks, I will go to France, Switzerland, Austria, Germany and Italy. I am looking forward to a bit of adventure and, of course, a bit of trouble. This will be the longest vacation I have ever taken and the first I have taken alone in many years. It is…thrilling.

3. I have a very nice next door neighbor. Last summer, she gave me a potted geranium for my patio. I suspect this may have been because her patio was an array of many colored geraniums and mine looks positively dreadful next to it. My only decoration is a grill. I might plant some fresh herbs this year. But really, I can’t be bothered much with plants or flowers. I don’t get it. Tonight, she knocked on my door and gave me a very nice fold out chair for my patio. She said she had three and simply didn’t have the room. This means I will be able to work, reclined out in the sunshine, with my laptop. I will be sure to find her something nice while I am traveling.

4. The reigns to the blog will be handed over to Plush while I am away. I imagine that with the multitude of internet cafes, I may post something but I haven’t decided if this should also be a vacation away from even this, my favorite hobby. I had no reservations about turning things over to Plush but after a few reassurances from her that she would not do certain things…then I began to think about it. But, I simply do not care. I trust her and hope she scandalizes you all.

1.   Easter is low-key at the Random household.  I explained it all to Little Filthy. “Jesus, cave, blah blah, third day, blah, stone rolled away, blah blah, if he sees his shadow, there are six more weeks of winter.”

2.  Someone, please talk me out of trying to make duck confit.  I really don’t need to do that.  Last week, a law school buddy asked me, “Hey, remember when you made your own sausage?” Let me recommend against that right now.  Fortunately, I now live in downtown Chicago and can get fresh, good sausage at many locations.  I dig cooking and every so often, I will get it in my head that I need to make something from scratch.  I made falafel once.  Spare yourself the garlicky trouble.

3. The next few months will put me in NYC, DC, France, Switzerland and Italy. Go, go, travel Random.

4. Are the Italians having different sex than the rest of us? I ask because every day, multiple people find my blog by doing a Google search on “Italian sex.”  Well, I guess I will be in Italy shortly enough.  I’ll report back on the situation.

5.  Talk about your single kid Easters…I’m going to stuff a pepper with whatever is leftover in my fridge.

I decided to read Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry.  He won the 1986 Pulitzer for the book.  In truth, I’m listening to the audio book from audible.com.  The book chronicles a cattle drive from Texas to Montana.

I’d heard of the book/movie but it never occurred to me to read it until I was poking around for my next download on audible and saw that it was 36 hours and the reviews were fantastic.  As I like to get bang for my buck, I decided to give it a go.  I’m about three hours into it and I have to say, it’s pretty damn funny.

I didn’t expect that.  I know I’ve grinned at something while listening on the train and probably looked like a subway-weirdo.  It’s nothing like I expected or anything like what I typically read.  My standard fare is legal thriller, murder mystery, suspense, espionage, etc.  My last book was The Janson Directive by Robert Ludlum.

I think the book strikes the same cord in me that drives me to watch Deadliest Catch.  Smoking, calloused hands, the most important possession is a good pair of boots, cooking from rations, all of that.  Sort of intrigues the reckless and adventurous side in me.

I want to seriously start planning a very adventurous trip to Vietnam and Thailand not only with respect to travel plans but also how fit I am for some physical exertion.  So, I just hired a trainer for the next six months.  I better be able to scale a mountain in 100% humidity and 100 degree heat as well as hold my breath underwater for 2 minutes after this.

Lifehacker asked readers to take a picture of what they take with them to work each day. It’s making me re-evaluate how much I tote back and forth daily. (Part I and Part II) I’ve noticed that almost everyone carries some particular things - aside from laptop, Treo, Blackberry, and iPod: chapstick, mints/gum.

Things I’m surprised I did not see more often: Purel, cigarettes and lighters.

Here’s a rough list of what I bring to work with me each day:

Laptop, Levenger Leather Circa Notebook in black (which has proven to be worth the investment for me), iPod with audio books from Audible, pack of travel kleenex, Leatherman Micra, Nalgene water bottle, small bottle of Purel as well as some pre-packaged anti-bacterial wipes (I use the Purel as I exit the train), wallet, keys, business cards, and a Timbuk2 ID wallet where I keep my train pass and some extra cash so I don’t have to dig around for it, small bottle with Advil and Claritin in it, portable wireless mouse, and finally, a piece of fruit a lot of times. That’s the bulk of it.

And today, I considered this thing - the LiteRide - …I’m just not sure I can picture myself on it.

Here are two less than ideal reasons to buy something. 1) Because it doesn’t cost that much and 2) Because it’s cool.

But for those exact reasons, I seem to think I need one of these watches that has an electronic compass, tells me the temperature, and if the tide is in or out. I know this is ridiculous because 1) I live in Chicago, 2) I can really only go in three different directions since the lake all but completely blocks one way, and 3) the temperature is displayed on every bank-corner. But the watch ties into my nightmare (daydream) that while we are in Vietnam, we will somehow be left on the side of a mountain, be kidnapped by the montagnards and forced to escape - at which point, all of those episodes of Man Vs. Wild would become terribly important. Admittedly, probably more important if that cockney wanker hadn’t been sleeping overnight in the Motel 6.

This irrational fear (dream) has me considering a nice flint to go on my keychain. Field and Stream had a great article on cramming an entire survival kit into an Altoids tin. I wonder if I could strap a survival kit on Little Filthy. He should be able to carry an Altoid tin full of stuff. I think Boss may have similar dreams about managing to pack an entire week of clothing into a relatively compact Prada bag. Who am I kidding? I just realized what Boss’s survival kit would look like.

My wallet.