1.  The Italian likes to impersonate his girlfriend’s accent.  This isn’t so bad but he likes to do it while repeating things she said to him in bed. I’ll pick up the phone and he’ll break out in an accent and say, “Ohhh, jess enjoyyyy eet!”  And, I admit, I usually bust out in a laugh.  Earlier in the week, he said, “Ooohhh, do you feeeeeel deee freak-shoooow?”  I said, “Wait,… freak show?”  He said, “Freak-showwwn.”Oh.

Friction.

Dude is just wrong.   Don’t get me wrong.  We laughed at ourselves for a good five minutes.

2.  If you’ve been reading QTMama, you know that she has a crush on “Chicago Man”, a guy she met while visiting Chicago last month.  As it happens, I frequently have occasion to cross paths with Chicago Man and I knew I would be doing so tonight.  I let QTMama know this and before I knew what happened, she was trying to get me to go to a florist to pick up a flower to bring to this dude so I could say it was from her and wasn’t that romantic?

You know what?  Didn’t happen.

3.   I’m going to bed.  While the clock still says ‘p.m.’  It’s the first time in weeks.

1.  Have you ever seen a Halibut?  It’s ugly.  When it’s born (hatched? wtf do I know), the eyes are on either side of the fish but then one slowly migrates to the other side as the fish rests flat on the ocean floor…so that both eyes are facing up.  That’s really jacked up, isn’t it? Picture here, at the bottom of the page.  No clue why it’s on the dog breed info page.  That’s jacked up, too.

2.   Speaking of ugly fish, here’s a monkfish.  Tell me you wouldn’t crap yourself if that bumped you in the water.

3.  Discovery Channel has this new show called Tuna Wranglers.  It’s pretty interesting to watch to see how they catch tuna (with a plane flying overhead to spot the school and boat that circles the school in a huge ass net that cinches at the bottom).  It’s no Deadliest Catch, though.  Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks so because this blog (er,…called Pisstakers) did an entry on how tuna fishing is to crab fishing as catching a koala bear is to catching a black bear. Here are my favorite lines: “The only things they have in common are, they are all in a boat, all on the water, all after fish and all enjoy feeding false info to their competitors. Oh, and they all like a beer and return to port smelling like a whore’s drawers. ”

4.  I’m reading Moby Dick.

1.  Did you hear about that guy who ate 23,000 Big Macs?  Is it just me or does anyone else want to see a picture of this guy?  I just want to know what eating that many Big Macs does to a person.

2.  Sitcom and I went to dinner last night.  She got a new camera and wanted to chat about how to use it.  I was excited to share my teaspoon of knowledge about the subject.  At some point, while I was explaining the importance of light and taking pictures in RAW format, she casually let it drop that her father was a photo journalist.

*blink*

WTF.  Next time I’m taking her dad out to dinner.

3.  McCain is all over Obama for using the phrase “lipstick on a pig” which he (McCain) used in October when talking about Hillary Clinton’s Health Care plan.  I love how campaigns sometimes become this competition to see who can be first and most offended by the other.  Maybe both sides should just refrain from using the word ‘lipstick’ all together.  In this household, it’s only used to describe a part of Little Filthy’s anatomy.

4.  Where the hell did summer go? I’m gearing up for winter by getting my XBOX 360 fixed and putting movies into queue.   How about you?

1.  It just isn’t a proper drive unless I have a reason to use my horn.  It’s the favorite part of my car.  God, I love honking.

2.   Honest to God, I feel dirtier telling people I bought a webcam than I would if I told them I collect vintage porn.  (I don’t, by the way.)

3.   Besos and I were talking about Texas because she lived there for about a  year at one point.  I remarked that the first time I was in Texas and saw the Wranglers, cowboy boots and cowboy hats, my first thought was, “Oh..like, …for real?”  She said that when she first saw men in tight blue Wranglers, her first thought was, “Oh…they’re gay.”

4.   Speaking of Besos…she sent me a text message a while back and said that she was scared alone in her place and that she suspected it was haunted.  I said I agreed and said to her:  “All Mexican households are haunted.”  It just felt like something I knew.

5.   Sitcom is going to the Emmy’s.  But not to the party afterwards…because, you know, she has better things to do.  WTF.

1.  I like my job a lot but I think it’s funny that sometimes, I honestly have the cliched thought of, “Thank God it’s Friday.”   I don’t know why that surprises me since it’s such a common sentiment that an entire chain of restaurants is named after it.  Drew Carey said, “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so?  There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

2.   I watched the Republican National Convention last night with a group of friends.  When I expressed that I would shag Palin, I got looks of horror.  Now, see here, people, I’m not saying I’d marry the woman.  There’s a general rule:  F*ck down, Marry up.  Okay?  I just wanna shag her a little.  That’s all.  I AM NOT IMMUNE.

3.   Have you ever spent some time with your parents and gotten this brief glimpse of some personality characteristic that you suddenly realize is only going to magnify as they get older?  And it scares the crap out of you?

1.  Big thanks to LynchSeattle who provided a fix to my website issues.

2.  A certain someone I know has a roommate with questionable taste.  And by questionable taste, I mean undeniably bad taste.  Like, sweatshirts featuring wolves baying at a full moon kind of bad taste.  You get what I’m saying?  I’m talking about BEDAZZLED bad taste.  Anyway, someone questioned how well my friend knew her roommate prior to moving in together.  “Do you know her middle name? You should know her middle name!”  That struck me as a completely absurd guage on how well two people know each other.

Then I wondered if John McCain knew  Sarah Palin’s middle name.  I doubt it.  He doesn’t even know how many homes he owns.

3.  It occurred to me last night that no one has ever made me a decent cup of coffee (outside of a cafe/store).

4.  I’m buying a webcam.  I’m going to hook that puppy up and then watch to see what the hell Little Filthy does all day while I’m gone.

5.  I wish doing the laundry ended with the tossing the clothes in the dryer bit.  You know.  None of that folding and putting away BS.  Some days, I miss those laundry elves.

1.  I love how we can carbon date the Shroud of Turin but can’t figure out how old a couple of Chinese gymnasts are.

2.  The Italian called me on Monday very excited.  It seems he’d found a new porn website that featured Latin women.  I asked him, “If a woman that young and that attractive hit on you, would you sleep with her?”  He said, “If I got a woman that hot, it’d be because she wanted to steal my car.”  I burst out laughing.

3.  ‘Cleavage’ is sort of a harsh sounding word to describe something so good, isn’t it?  Couldn’t someone come up with a better word than something that sounds like you split open a dinner roll?  or chopped something in half?

4.  Besos described our relationship as a constant state of half amusement, half embarrassment.  Hmm.  I wonder which half I am.

5.  Have you ever had someone tell you a sexual fantasy and it was, more or less, one of your sexual fantasies as well?  And you were stunned at your good fortune?  And then you blinked and wondered if you were on some twisted version of Candid Camera?  Anyone?

no?

1.  I tried tamarinds this weekend.  Besos cracked open the pod and I bit off some of the sticky fruit.  Then I shuddered as drool drained out my mouth.  Okay, that’s not entirely accurate - but it was damn sour.  I can’t believe that I hadn’t had it before.  Then I decided that I wanted to eat more things that I’d never eaten before.  So I tried menudo.  Only, I found out later that Besos had told the server that I was a novice and so some things were left out of the soup.  I demanded to eat whatever was omitted so the server brought me a bowl with a calf’s foot in it, which I ate bits of while Besos cringed.  And then I ate a taco…with tongue.  That’s right. A tongue chunk taco.  Again, Besos cringed and shuddered.  What else should I try?

2.  The local newscast showed a bar where supporters were cheering on an Olympic athlete from a neighboring town.  They interviewed a woman and I did a double take at her.  She had the deepest vertical wrinkle I’d ever seen between her eyes.  It looked like a slot for a vending machine and I wondered if anyone was ever tempted to slide a quarter into her forehead.

3.  I’m officially a photographer (I guess) in that I’m going to get paid for some photographs.  Which is ironic.  Because LynchSeattle had to explain what an F-Stop was to me just last week.  How about that. I’m like a half-ass idiot-savant.

[Edited to add:  Just spoke with Besos and now I'm disturbed I picked at the calf foot.  I don't like the idea of eating something that probably stepped in its own feces.  Or anyone or anything else's feces, for that matter.  Yeah, probably no more foot for me.]

1.  It’s official. I may want to be LynchSeattle.  A visit to Chicago and I’m buying an SLR this morning to I can learn to take photos that come anywhere near to what he managed to capture here, during our dinner at Marche.  You want food porn? That’s it.

2.   You know the saying “Liquor before beer, never fear” and “Beer before liquor, never sicker” ?  I get that the rhyming scheme is supposed to make it easy to remember this general rule.  But what’s to keep someone from remembering it as “liquor after beer, never fear” or “beef after liquor, never sicker”?  Which seems like a bad mistake, really.  That is, if there is any truth to it.

3.  I’m struck by the number of people who use their butt to open doors, even when their hands are free.

4.  Good Grief.  I’m sitting at the computer desk which has a pull out drawer for the keyboard.  Little Filthy just jumped to put his paws on the chair to give me a toy and he clocked his head on the corner of the keyboard drawer.  He spit out the toy instantly and looked at me.  He sneezed and then walked it off.  Attaboy.

I did go rub his noggin softly for good measure.

5.  I was invited to a tasting event at a new club here in Chicago.  The restaurant specializes in raw foods - crudo, sashimi, tartare, etc.  I took Boss and we then dined around the corner at a place she likes.  We sat down and were served two drinks and before we got far with those, they had made us 3 more.   Oy.  Blynchness.  Some pictures below.

I met the Seattle peeps on Tuesday and it felt like a reunion. The real ice breaker was on that night after I went to the hotel and met up with LynchSeattle, Bev, and Avitania (who already did an awesome re-cap of the week!).  We decided to go for Chicago pizza and upon seeing the line for Gino’s East snake out the door and down the block, Avitania said, “What is this the line for?!  Head??”  I burst out laughing and that pretty much defined the humor and fun that was to come.

After stuffing ourselves on pizza, Besos met up with us and we went to Big Bar and we officially got blynched together.  My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

Wednesday -  After work, I met up with Bev and we went to a cocktail party which, quite honestly, stunk.  It was outside and the wind made it a bit uncomfortable.  We left early and went to the loft where Bev had her first meeting with Little Filthy and Boss.  Then off to Marche where we met with Avitania, her husband (C), LynchSeattle, Instigator, and Plush.  Lots of eating, drinking, and laughing.

Thursday -  C and LynchSeattle met me at the loft in the afternoon (while Bev and Avitania got pedicures) and we went to pick up wine for their dinner at Schwa where the four out-of-towners enjoyed the 9 course tasting, including lamb brains and sweetbreads for dessert.  Major props to Sitcom who scored the reservation.  Besos and I met up with them after dinner and went to a local pub where we sat outside and laughed so hard, my stomach hurt.   There may be footage of me singing Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.

Friday - I met up with the gang downtown in the morning and we did the Segway tour of Chicago.  LynchSeattle is like Steve Wozniak because he has a Segway in the office.  We zoomed around Chicago, snapping pictures and making bets on who would wipeout first.   Then we hit Chinatown for Vietnamese food.  The gang hit Shedd Aquarium.  We met back up at Ed Debevik’s for a rowdy dinner of burgers, malts, fries and more laughter.  The gang gave me a very, very nice wine stopper.  The server asked what it was and I told her it was an anal plug.  Only in Ed’s can you get away with this sort of thing.  Our bill came with a nice drawing of an anal plug on it.  Welcome to Chicago, people.

Saturday -  I picked up the peeps and we went to get a jump on the line at Hot Doug’s.  Yes, we were line for hot dogs at 10:30 in the morning.  I can not explain this to you except to say that just the day before, Anthony Bourdain was at this little joint eating.  It’s that good.  On the weekend, you can get french fries…made in duck fat.  Byes to C and Avitania who were catching a flight home and I dropped the peeps off downtown to get some Garrett Popcorn.  I met up with Bev and LynchSeattle at the Oprah Store (seriously) and we meandered back to the loft where we mixed drinks, ordered pizza, watched the opening ceremonies (thank you, TiVo), and talked cameras.  Chill and perfect.

Sunday -  Bev, LynchSeattle and I toured an art fair before heading to the John Hancock Observatory to enjoy the view.  The weather all week had been gorgeous and it was borderline chilly when we sat outside afterwards, eating lunch.  Then to the hotel to pick up luggage before heading to the train where we said our byes.

I can’t begin to capture just how much fun I had this past week.  The Seattle peeps are great, kind, hilarious, fun people.  Now I’ve got to get my butt up to Seattle in October and hope for warm enough weather that LynchSeattle and I can go sky-diving.  Woot!