Random Esquire

1.  I tried tamarinds this weekend.  Besos cracked open the pod and I bit off some of the sticky fruit.  Then I shuddered as drool drained out my mouth.  Okay, that’s not entirely accurate - but it was damn sour.  I can’t believe that I hadn’t had it before.  Then I decided that I wanted to eat more things that I’d never eaten before.  So I tried menudo.  Only, I found out later that Besos had told the server that I was a novice and so some things were left out of the soup.  I demanded to eat whatever was omitted so the server brought me a bowl with a calf’s foot in it, which I ate bits of while Besos cringed.  And then I ate a taco…with tongue.  That’s right. A tongue chunk taco.  Again, Besos cringed and shuddered.  What else should I try?

2.  The local newscast showed a bar where supporters were cheering on an Olympic athlete from a neighboring town.  They interviewed a woman and I did a double take at her.  She had the deepest vertical wrinkle I’d ever seen between her eyes.  It looked like a slot for a vending machine and I wondered if anyone was ever tempted to slide a quarter into her forehead.

3.  I’m officially a photographer (I guess) in that I’m going to get paid for some photographs.  Which is ironic.  Because LynchSeattle had to explain what an F-Stop was to me just last week.  How about that. I’m like a half-ass idiot-savant.

[Edited to add:  Just spoke with Besos and now I’m disturbed I picked at the calf foot.  I don’t like the idea of eating something that probably stepped in its own feces.  Or anyone or anything else’s feces, for that matter.  Yeah, probably no more foot for me.]

1.  It’s official. I may want to be LynchSeattle.  A visit to Chicago and I’m buying an SLR this morning to I can learn to take photos that come anywhere near to what he managed to capture here, during our dinner at Marche.  You want food porn? That’s it.

2.   You know the saying “Liquor before beer, never fear” and “Beer before liquor, never sicker” ?  I get that the rhyming scheme is supposed to make it easy to remember this general rule.  But what’s to keep someone from remembering it as “liquor after beer, never fear” or “beef after liquor, never sicker”?  Which seems like a bad mistake, really.  That is, if there is any truth to it.

3.  I’m struck by the number of people who use their butt to open doors, even when their hands are free.

4.  Good Grief.  I’m sitting at the computer desk which has a pull out drawer for the keyboard.  Little Filthy just jumped to put his paws on the chair to give me a toy and he clocked his head on the corner of the keyboard drawer.  He spit out the toy instantly and looked at me.  He sneezed and then walked it off.  Attaboy.

I did go rub his noggin softly for good measure.

5.  I was invited to a tasting event at a new club here in Chicago.  The restaurant specializes in raw foods - crudo, sashimi, tartare, etc.  I took Boss and we then dined around the corner at a place she likes.  We sat down and were served two drinks and before we got far with those, they had made us 3 more.   Oy.  Blynchness.  Some pictures below.

I met the Seattle peeps on Tuesday and it felt like a reunion. The real ice breaker was on that night after I went to the hotel and met up with LynchSeattle, Bev, and Avitania (who already did an awesome re-cap of the week!).  We decided to go for Chicago pizza and upon seeing the line for Gino’s East snake out the door and down the block, Avitania said, “What is this the line for?!  Head??”  I burst out laughing and that pretty much defined the humor and fun that was to come.

After stuffing ourselves on pizza, Besos met up with us and we went to Big Bar and we officially got blynched together.  My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

Wednesday -  After work, I met up with Bev and we went to a cocktail party which, quite honestly, stunk.  It was outside and the wind made it a bit uncomfortable.  We left early and went to the loft where Bev had her first meeting with Little Filthy and Boss.  Then off to Marche where we met with Avitania, her husband (C), LynchSeattle, Instigator, and Plush.  Lots of eating, drinking, and laughing.

Thursday -  C and LynchSeattle met me at the loft in the afternoon (while Bev and Avitania got pedicures) and we went to pick up wine for their dinner at Schwa where the four out-of-towners enjoyed the 9 course tasting, including lamb brains and sweetbreads for dessert.  Major props to Sitcom who scored the reservation.  Besos and I met up with them after dinner and went to a local pub where we sat outside and laughed so hard, my stomach hurt.   There may be footage of me singing Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.

Friday - I met up with the gang downtown in the morning and we did the Segway tour of Chicago.  LynchSeattle is like Steve Wozniak because he has a Segway in the office.  We zoomed around Chicago, snapping pictures and making bets on who would wipeout first.   Then we hit Chinatown for Vietnamese food.  The gang hit Shedd Aquarium.  We met back up at Ed Debevik’s for a rowdy dinner of burgers, malts, fries and more laughter.  The gang gave me a very, very nice wine stopper.  The server asked what it was and I told her it was an anal plug.  Only in Ed’s can you get away with this sort of thing.  Our bill came with a nice drawing of an anal plug on it.  Welcome to Chicago, people.

Saturday -  I picked up the peeps and we went to get a jump on the line at Hot Doug’s.  Yes, we were line for hot dogs at 10:30 in the morning.  I can not explain this to you except to say that just the day before, Anthony Bourdain was at this little joint eating.  It’s that good.  On the weekend, you can get french fries…made in duck fat.  Byes to C and Avitania who were catching a flight home and I dropped the peeps off downtown to get some Garrett Popcorn.  I met up with Bev and LynchSeattle at the Oprah Store (seriously) and we meandered back to the loft where we mixed drinks, ordered pizza, watched the opening ceremonies (thank you, TiVo), and talked cameras.  Chill and perfect.

Sunday -  Bev, LynchSeattle and I toured an art fair before heading to the John Hancock Observatory to enjoy the view.  The weather all week had been gorgeous and it was borderline chilly when we sat outside afterwards, eating lunch.  Then to the hotel to pick up luggage before heading to the train where we said our byes.

I can’t begin to capture just how much fun I had this past week.  The Seattle peeps are great, kind, hilarious, fun people.  Now I’ve got to get my butt up to Seattle in October and hope for warm enough weather that LynchSeattle and I can go sky-diving.  Woot!

1. I find it humorous that I somehow manage to be a bit of a foodie and to enjoy some incredible meals and yet yesterday, I found myself banging two frozen waffles together over the sink wondering if too much ice had formed on them to get them crispy. And then I burned them in the toaster oven. Foodie FAIL.

2. I noticed a bulge in the bathroom ceiling yesterday. I quickly figured out that the air conditioner’s condensation drain was clogged (the AC is above the bathroom) and that the kill switch to prevent the pan overflow had obviously failed. But for a moment, as I stared at the bulge, I hoped that it would beat and pulse and indicate the presence of a evil spirit or poltergeist in the hopes that I could avoid calling AC repair and just opt for a priest or crazy little old lady to tell me that ‘this house is clean.’

3. Last night I saw Plush and she is just as great as ever. She’s a peach, that one.

4. My friend (new nickname: Sitcom) had a bit of a wild night at a bar a while back. It began with a bit of a slap-fight that turned into kissing that then ended with a night of passion, as they say. So life continued on after that evening and then Sitcom finds out that this person she’d had this fight/night with? Yeah, he won an Oscar. Sitcom calls up her friend to tell said friend about this bit of news but before she begins her story, Sitcom’s friend excitedly tells her story…that she (friend) just slept with a guy who designed a Target circular and wasn’t that terribly exciting?! Sitcom’s friend was so excited to have actually slept with the guy who decides if the video games belong in electronics or toys. And Sitcom then had to tell her that her wild fling was with an Oscar winner. Talk about raining on someone’s parade.

This made me think that I need a more exciting job.

In an earlier entry, I discussed spooning and sleeping close, noting that I have a few sleep quirks. Here we go.

1. I don’t like used air. If someone is breathing out near my face where I am breathing in…I don’t like it. It’s used air.

2. I don’t like warm air. I don’t get how some people can sleep under covers or with their head buried in a neck. Warm air feels like used air.

3. I don’t like to be tilted. Man, I hate being tilted. I can’t take a bed that sags in the middle. I have a memory foam mattress specifically to avoid the issue of tilting. Spooning doesn’t cause tilting on this kind of mattress. If someone sits right next to me on a couch and that causes me to tilt…I move. I do not like to be tilted.

4. Don’t touch that spot on my neck. Women often put their hand on my collarbone or shoulder. I like that. A lot, in fact. But if a finger strays toward my throat…I have to move it. I don’t know why but it makes me feel like I’m choking. Shirts never make me feel this way, even a turtleneck. But a hand on the front, base of my neck makes me shudder.

5. I turn my head to the right. If I turn it all the way to the left, I feel like I can’t quite breathe. A little to the left is fine.

I’m sure there are probably more but those are probably the oddest and I don’t think they’re terribly odd. Come on. Fess up - what’re yours?

[Edited to add:  After reading about some of your sleep quirks, I’m afraid I’m going to get them.  Like a contagious disease.]

1. Little Filthy is resting on the couch with me. He has an odd habit. He moans. When he’s really sleepy, he moans and groans. And if you touch him, he moans like it’s the best thing since walks and parks and biscuits. It’s actually a bit disconcerting because it is so loud, people can hear it on the other end of the phone. Which, I imagine, is rather disconcerting for them, as well.

2. The Seattle Gang is comin’ to Chicago. Bev, LynchSeattle, and Avitania. I suspect we will get blynched, which is code for getting drunk. I would like it if they met Boss, Plush, and Besos. However, upon some reflection, I realized perhaps not all at once.

3. Instigator and I have a date Thursday night. It’s a fake-date. A fate, if you will. Wait, no, that isn’t quite right. It’s a Dake. Well, you get my point.

4. You can’t make this stuff up, people.

“APPLETON, Wisc. (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - A couple in Wisconsin telephoned police in the middle of the night after finding a man in their basement covered head to toe in barbecue sauce.

“He told the officers that it was urban camouflage,” said the homeowner.”

5. QTMama did an entry on spooning. About a week ago, she asked me if I was a sleep-toucher and said that I didn’t seem like one. I don’t think I know any more. But I was surprised that she could get this impression because I didn’t even know it was an impression people gave. I don’t seem like a sleep toucher?

You know who loves to spoon? Little Filthy. The second you are on your side, he jumps on the bed, flops down and pushes his back as close as it can get to your chest and puts his head on your pillow.

And moans.

Today, when I got to my El stop, I saw the same “pregnant girl” hitting up some guy for money.  He gave her a few bucks and she walked away.  I grinned at the guy and said, “She’s been pregnant now going on two years.”  He laughed and said, “She got angry at me because I made her show me her arms.”  I laughed.  We were sitting next to each other on a bench.
A friend noticed him and they had a mini reunion.  He was wearing a baseball cap and his hair was short - she greeted him and said, “Did you get your hair cut??”  She told him she was studying for the bar and I gathered that he was an attorney as well after he expressed his relief at not having to go through that again.  They talked for a while and she asked how he’d been.  I had politely turned away and was looking down the tracks, waiting for the train.

He said, “Well, actually, I should tell you never to work for (some dude) because we all end up getting cancer! See?”  And then he must have taken off his hat because she said, “Ohhh my gosh, I thought you’d just had a hair cut.”

The train arrived and the guy and I got on.  He sat across from me and we started to talk. I told him I was an attorney, too.  Turns out he does solo practice and has represented some really rough people.  He said, grinning, “That’s why I made the girl show me her arms.”

He got off the train and handed me his business card and said, “You know…if you get into trouble!”  I laughed.

Dude, sometimes you meet some great people on the train.

1. I did a double take when I saw Fresh Express today. She decided that frosted, pale green eyeshadow was the way to go. And go large. It was…jarring. I’d say it brought out her eyes but really, it just brought out her eyelids.

2. Instigator is inundated at work. Today, she walked into my office, I glanced up and the moment I saw her eyes, I said, “You’re on the edge.” I described her as standing on a pair of train tracks debating if she’d rather hurl herself in front of the train…or push other people in front of it. She said, “That’s pretty accurate.”

3. I’m coining “listyle.” It’s List + Style. And that’s how I roll, baby.  And SnarkyRunner is awesome.

4. Little Filthy had not seen Boss in quite a while but she came by for dinner last night. I let him out the door as she came down the hall so he could run down to greet her. He was so excited, he ran up and down the hallway until he literally made himself sick. You could practically hear him screaming, “Moommmmmyyy!” He got inside the loft and proceeded to open his mouth and make that *kkaakkk!* sound. You’ll see her again soon, little man.

5. I saw Plush on Friday night - the first time since my return. I think I had a dumb grin on my face much of the night.

6. Speaking of that night, The Ballerina may get a new nickname: Whiskey Dad. This is the dad who turns downright mean after a few drinks. The scene the next morning is the kids at the breakfast table, silent as mice, as Whiskey Dad makes eggs and acts like everything is normal. Meanwhile, the kids are scared to move. So, anyway - a friend was going to meet us out later that night and didn’t make it and The Ballerina let said friend know exactly how unacceptable that was through a series of drunken (and completely hilarious) voice mail messages. If only I could have recorded them to play here for your odd mixture of pleasure and cringing.

7. I have never had surgery. Is it scary?

8. While brushing my teeth a few days ago, I had an odd thought: What would I do if all the toothpaste sold out at stores? Let me explain my train of thought. My travel size toothpaste ran out while I was in Rome. I went into a store and bought some more toothpaste: Pasta del Capitano. That means The Captain’s Pasta, right? Or paste? What the hell - I clearly don’t understand Italian. Anyway - they also had Colgate. I wondered what would happen if all the Colgate in the world were bought and how much that would help the economy, both in the country in which it was sold and the U.S. Company maker. Then I wondered what would happen if all the toothpaste sold out at stores. I knew I’d be okay because I’m a CostCo addict and I’ve got no less than five full tubes. Then I wondered if I’d share it and realized that yes, I would.

What a complete waste of mental energy.

Let’s share a few flaws, shall we?

RandomEsq has taken great pleasure in sharing some of my more desirable traits with the readers of this blog, and I’m not complaining (it’s nice to have someone notice those things, and even more nice to have someone notice these other things too but choose to focus on the good stuff!). But I think it’s time I threw a few curveballs out there, so here are my Top 5 Faults (in no particular order):

1) I am a smoker.
I’ve quit a few times, and I have been intending to quit again for months…but I always figured I’d really quit when my body told me it was time, and frankly, I haven’t felt the climactic moment hit yet. That, and…

2) I have very little willpower.
It’s true - I’m a sucker for Camels, and also for Crunch-flavored Dibs, boxes of Lucky Charms, and various flavors of ice cream. My metabolism is currently doing a weird thing where I don’t gain weight like I probably should, so my candy indulgence is going unchecked for now. But this isn’t just a sweet tooth - I can honestly go into a room with a bowl of M&M’s, tell myself I don’t want them, recognize that I’m not even hungry, and still have to figure out a good explanation for why the M&M’s are all gone half an hour later.

3) I get cranky easily.
RE has mentioned this in a few posts, I believe, commenting on a rather odd preference for cranky women. Thank goodness for that, because seriously, I’m an absolute bitch in the morning unless a few very strict rules are followed. These rules, which generally include things like kissing me until I smile and then demanding absolutely nothing of me for the first hour I’m awake, are subject to change without notice.

4) I’m a quitter.
This one is rather embarrassing, and I didn’t know this until recently, but I’ve come to realize that I am, in fact, a quitter (except, of course, when it comes to Camel Ultra Lights). I never had to practice piano back in the days of piano lessons, I never had to study, and whenever I’ve encountered a situation that requires hard work, I somehow manage to convince myself that it’s just not meant to be. How, you may ask, has a successful and accomplished adult managed to make it through her life thus far when she’s a frickin’ quitter? I’ll get back to you on that one, ’cause I’m not sure how I did it either.

5) I have really calloused feet. Okay, this one’s not as personal and deep as the rest, but honestly, it’s ridiculous. I love to be barefoot and tend to wear nothing but sandals and high heels in the spring, summer, and fall, until my toes are frozen and I admit defeat. But this leads to big callouses, and I have spent most of my adult life battling them with various forms of pumace, harsh scrubs, foot soaks, and lotions. I recently invested in an actual electric pumace thingy, handheld with 3 different attachments (no, it doesn’t vibrate, sadly) and my feet won that fight within 5 minutes. At the moment, however, thanks to 2 hours of work yesterday, my feet are baby butt smooth.

I’m over at a friend’s family’s house, and the rest of the folks here have passed out. I’m somehow still awake, the only one not knocked unconscious by heavy drinking, which is unusual considering my moderately light tolerance…guess I wasn’t trying hard enough. Though spelling is a little difficult…thank goodness bloggers have spellcheck…

So a bit tipsy and sitting outside with a dying fire, I’m feeling introspective (okay, it doesn’t take alcohol and fires to make me introspective, I’m that way normally) and just wanted to put it out there:

Don’t ever take the ones you love for granted.

I don’t just mean that in the idea that you shouldn’t assume they’ll handle things they could do for you, or in any other trivial way. This week has been tough on my friends and family - an alarming number of people have wound up in the hospital or actually died during the past 7 days, and I’m feeling nervous whenever the phone rings right now. Today I got word that a friend’s dad had died, and not only was it unexpected, but the circumstances were just heartbreaking - this friend was out celebrating his bachelor party weekend, and his dad died while swimming in the ocean with his daughter, a 21-year old lifeguard. He was healthy and in decent shape, but the undertow caught him and there was just nothing she could do…

My folks are out of touch right now, up north at our cabin, and I’m going to be on high alert until they call me on Monday to let me know they’re heading home; RandomEsq is somewhere wandering around Europe and I’m going to be checking my email at insanely regular intervals to be sure that no emergency overseas flights are necessary; and my puppy is going to be leashed and watched like a hawk until this passes.

I’m not sure why I’m compelled to post this, as I’m not in need of sympathy or anything for myself. I guess that, in my drunken state, I just wanted to put it out there that life can change in an instant.

I was reading one of the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff books recently, waiting for my highlights to set at the salon, and got caught up by one section in a similar vein. It said that you should always act toward your loved ones as if this might be the last time you’re going to see them - never letting an argument continue out the door, never going to bed angry, never leaving for work without kissing someone goodbye and telling them you love them. I’d already taken that sentiment to heart but now…let’s just say that now, ain’t no way my loved ones are hanging up the phone or leaving for work without hearing just how much I love them. It’s worth every extra second.