My life would be complicated if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.
1. My life would be complicated if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. Here is how I came to that conclusion.
I was eating a corndog from Trader Joe’s. Turns out it is actually made from soy but it occurred to me that it had been so long since I’d eaten an actual hot dog that I don’t even really remember what the hell they taste like. This made me think of hot dogs at the ball park. Then I thought of Ball Park Franks. Then I thought of Oscar Mayer and that weiner song:
“Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener; that is what I’d truly like to be. Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.”
And I thought about it… can you imagine what it would be like if everyone was in love with you? What a sordid, dirty mess.
That’s when I decided that my life would be complicated if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.
2. As I walked through a parking lot today, I saw an orange on the ground. My first thought was that I wanted to throw it. It was about the size of a baseball and I wondered if I could throw it all the way across the parking lot. This made me imagine playing catch in a parking lot and I wondered if someone would say that was stupid because there could be a wild throw that ended up with a baseball busting through a car window. But that didn’t seem as likely with an orange. Unless, of course, it was the middle of winter and the orange was frozen solid.
I left the orange alone.
3. Little Filthy had some bumps on the back of his neck, on the skin – flaky bumps. When I tried to look at them, he would jump if I touched them. So he went to the vet today. He got a full check-up, routine shots, etc. They did a fungal and bacterial check on the bumps… both negative. But he got an antibacterial shot and some shampoo and if it isn’t better in a week, he goes back for a skin biopsy. He got home exhausted after the day at the vet and I gave him some wet food. This pleased him. Then I gave him a bath. This displeased him. Then when I made him sit on a chair and covered him with some pink blankets? Then he was downright pissed.








Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.