Random Esquire

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! May you have a wonderful day as you deserve.

Sincerely,

-R.

I was reading Schokolade Madchen’s blog and she did and entry on how she’s making foods she ate as a child for her German born husband.  So far, he’s impressed with macaroni and cheese but not so much impressed with green bean casserole.  The man clearly has good taste.

This made me think of what foods I loved as a kid.  For better or for worse, I ate anything as a kid.  I still do, generally speaking.  I admit, I love meatloaf - but with barbecue sauce, not ketchup.  And if I make it, I have to eat it with scalloped potatoes and green beans because that’s how I remember it.  I dig maple and brown sugar malt-o-meal, too.  (Another food she’s making for her husband.)  I do not miss eating goulash at all.  Does anyone love this stuff?

Hmmm…I do remember taking vanilla ice cream and mixing in peanut butter and Nestle’s Quik like some mad scientist.   Of course, I also mixed together all the shampoo and conditioner pretending that my bathtub was a laboratory.  I didn’t eat that, though.

This reminds me of the time I flushed an apple down the toilet.  I had taken a bite and decided I didn’t like it.  So I flushed it.  Then I promptly tried another apple.  It sucked, too.  So I flushed that.  I have vague memories of my father eyeballing me from across the bathroom as he snaked the toilet and apples pieces came bobbing up to the surface.  To this day, I still can’t stand Jonathan apples.  Those things taste like dust to me.

What’re your favorite childhood foods?  And did you ever do something with your food that got you into trouble?

I spent the weekend with my sister and her family out on the east coast.

1. I took my 2 year old niece to “little gym” which is indoor, organized 2 year old playtime with gym equipment - balance beams, parallel bars, a big parachute, balls, etc. We took along my nephew, who was sleeping in the car seat. The teacher said to my niece, “Ohhhh, did you bring someone special with you this week?” Of course, she meant the baby. My niece said, “YES!” and for a brief moment, I thought she was going to point to me. But instead, she said, “Dunkin’ Donuts!” and my sister and I looked down at our hands holding cups of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Guilty.

2. My sister watched the little dude in the waiting room and I went in to run around with my niece. There are a lot of beautiful soccer mom types at little gym. They hop out of their Volvo SUVs, shake their high-lighted hair free of a ponytail and put a kid on their hip and come inside. These women put on lipstick to go to little gym. It’s a beautiful thing. Seriously, if they served drinks, I might spent a Friday night there. Hellooooo, soccah mahm.

3. My brother-in-law was talking about how he ran away as a kid - for a day. I declare this a “long walk” and not officially running away. My sister said, “My kids will never run away.” I said, “What? How do you know that?” She said, “I’m going to show them a video.” I looked at her and said, “What video?” She paused and then said, “Mystic River. I’m going to show them Mystic River and say, ‘That’s what happens to kids who run away.’”

The offensive sense of humor runs in the family, apparently.

I got an e-mail last night at 12:30 a.m. from my sister with the subject, “In labor I think.” She said that her contractions were 8-10 minutes apart and she was watching some television and hadn’t yet told her husband but would when the contractions got closer together.  I sent her a text message and said that I hoped she was not in too much pain and not to be scared.  I remembered something from when my sister had her first child.

She had called me to tell me she was going into labor. We chatted and before we got off the phone, I said to her, “Don’t be scared…it will be okay.” I did not remember saying it but she told me later that I was the only one who reassured her about being scared…and she was definitely scared. She said she told her husband what I had said and he had looked at her a little blankly and said, “Why would you be scared?” I imagine my sister may have rolled her eyes at him for that one.

By 4:15, I had a text message announcing, “It’s a boy!” My sister and brother-in-law waited until their order was served to see if they got a baguette or a crepe (thank you, Avitania, for an analogy I can not quite shake). It does make it a bit more exciting (if that’s possible).

So now I have a niece and a nephew. I didn’t expect to get a full collection quite so quickly. NOW what am I going to do?

I went to dinner tonight with my cousin, her mother (my aunt), and her friend. My cousin is only 13 years old (turning 14 next week, I should add). They are from a very small town in Minnesota and came to Chicago to see Wicked. I do not remember the last time I had dinner with two thirteen year old girls. It was hilarious.

First of all, the story telling abilities of a thirteen year old girl are greatly hampered by (directly proportional to) the relative excitement of telling said story. The dinner was like…turning on a newscast halfway through a story and trying to figure out what was going on. And when one paused to take a breath, the other would jump in and none of it was entirely linear. It was like watching a tennis match under a strobe light. You’re following the ball but also know that you’re missing the finer points.

Second, because they are from a very small town, Chicago both thrills and scares them. I heard about crazy cab drivers and their fear of getting shot (in the loop!). My cheeks hurt from grinning. My aunt, who grew up near Chicago, found it equally amusing to listen to their observations. They were rather fascinated by the fact that I live in a loft and that my walls did not go all the way up to the ceiling. I pointed to the exposed duct work in the restaurant and noted that my ceilings were very similar which seemed to impress them. I told them how I could throw Little Filthy’s toy from the bedroom over the wall of the kitchen and into the living room. Again, fascinating stuff here.

It was good to see some family tonight and get out for some fresh air. For some fresh, minus 5 degree air.

Four little speckled frogs, sittin’ on a speckled log,

eating a most delicious fly, yey ye ye ye ye ye,

One jumped into the pool, where it was nice and cool,

Then there were four speckled frogs.

Yeah. Saw my niece over Thanksgiving.

What ever happened to dogs named Bingo?

Oprah’s peeps called me today. We are going to be screening a movie. At 6:30 a.m.

6:30 a.m.! That’s cockadoodle dark still. I think.

The guy (!) who called me said that “there will be popcorn.” I said, “Pancakes?” He said firmly, “Popcorn.”

I did ask what movie we’d be screening and he answered mysteriously, “I can’t tell you.” Turns out that a woman in my office is going to a taping as well, but on a different day. She said that Justin Timberlake is supposed to be doing an Oprah taping on the day I will be going. Apparently, though, Oprah tapes two shows a day so who knows if we will see him.

I told my mother all of this. She said, “Who is Justin Timberlake?”

We are going to be awesome Oprah audience members.

You may recall that I went to see Diana Ross with my father. Mind you, this was not so much my choice as it was a result of my mother deciding she found my father unbearable a few hours before the concert. The tickets were a gift from me to them for their anniversary. Life loves irony, right?

Well, I think I can top that. Boss sent an e-mail to Oprah’s show, requesting tickets and, for some reason, she put my name down like I had sent the e-mail - complete with my mobile number. I vaguely recall her mentioning it and I really recalled it when I got a call today from Oprah’s show saying that I had two tickets.

I called Boss and guess what? She can’t go. Not only might she have jury duty, she has training for her new job. She asked her mother if she could make it in town to go and she (a teacher as well) could not make it, either.

You know what that means?

It means I am taking my mother to Oprah’s show.

What’d your grandfather do for a living?