Random Esquire

When I was visiting my parents recently, they pulled out a file of drawings my sister and I did as children. You may be familiar with some of our other differences.

Now, let me explain what you’re about to see… This was a workbook of sorts that we each colored while in kindergarten about ourselves, our lives and our family. With that, let’s get started.

PAGE 1:  THIS IS MY HAND

We were each supposed to draw a picture of our hand. Here is my sister’s hand, complete with manicured nails and a ring.

Let’s see my hand:

Seems okay so far, right?

PAGE 2: THIS IS MY FOOT

Sister’s foot – complete with toes and instep. Also, possibly some injuries.

My foot – notice that I did not even bother to take off my shoe.

PAGE 3: THIS IS MY HAIR

Sister’s hair: She took time to give herself a part.

My hair: I took time to give myself blue eyes.

Note the obvious family resemblance.

PAGE 4: THIS IS MY HOUSE

My sister lives in a significantly more beautiful home than I do. Her home has a garage, driveway, door, window, chimney, tree and tulips.

My house is yellow. Bonus:  roof.

PAGE 5: THIS IS MY BED

Sister’s bed has a headboard, footboard, pillows, and ruffles. Also, a person added for size scale.

Meanwhile, I apparently thought the square in which we were to depict our bed was the actual bed. Also, I couldn’t be bothered to pick up another color crayon so my bed matches my house.

PAGE 6: THIS IS MY FAMILY

My sister has taken the time to give my father glasses and a tie. Also, note the accurate representation that my mother’s hair is darker than my father’s.

I don’t even know what to say about my picture.

PAGE 7: THIS IS ME. I AM WONDERFUL!

(seriously, that’s what it says at the top of the page):

Sister: Ahh, the colors!

Me: I included the full page, for maximum effect. WTF.

PAGE 8: THIS IS MY FAVORITE TOY

My sister enjoys her yo yo!

This is my favorite toy.

Can’t tell what it is? Let me help.

Clearly, it’s a blender, people.

There you have it. Sister vs. Random: Kindergarten Style

Mark Stern of Cuckoo Studio was awesome enough to sketch Little Filthy from one of the pictures taken while Dysfunction Junction was visiting. How cool is that??

Click to make larger!

Here are other artist renditions of Little Filthy:

From Lauri Apple, artist for Wonkette, who was also featured in an Italian fashion magazine… all of which is just original and awesome and cool – and who also happens to be one of the most kind people I’ve ever met.  Here is her rendition of Random Esq + Little Filthy:

The awesome Debra from Rubbermoon turned Little Filthy into a stamp – with all proceeds going to fight cancer:

Then, some of you may have received a Christmas card last year with Little Filthy on it, courtesy of Abby McMillen of FolkDogArt.com.  You can see her art on boxes of Barkwheats treats for dogs.

Thank you to all of you who have captured Little Filthy so well. He’s a good boy.

Little Filthy has tried corn, watermelon, and bananas. Dysfunction Junction came over today and we fed Little Filthy some carrots and treats. Enjoy!

Want.

Gimme.

Ouch – was that your finger?

How about a peanut butter treat?

Can I eat those now?