Man vs. Food and the Hungry Indian Child.
It has occurred to me that there are some television shows that I truly hope are not aired overseas. Let’s discuss one, shall we?
Man vs. Food. This show is about a dumbass who travels around doing various food challenges in different restaurants. The challenges are typically geared to defeat him either through the pure quantity of food he must consume or the amount of spice/heat in the food.
Most recently, this jackass went to Richmond, Virginia where he tried to eat 8 hotwings covered in a sauce that contained actual capsaicin. This idiot sat down, signed a waiver and then began his greasy lipped, watery eyed, sauced finger adventure by slumping so far over that his chest appears to have given birth to his head – and then he knuckled down on a wing. He was motivated by an exceptionally large young man who inspired the crowd to begin a rousing chorus of “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
He managed to make his way through the wings. His reward? A T-Shirt that says “I’m with Stupid” and has a finger…pointing up at the wearer’s head. We are treated to a close up shot of wing bones as he declared his “independence from the stupid wing challenge.” He then thrust up his arms and we are all treated to a sight that results from years of overeating and not enough sunshine.
Now, I tried to imagine explaining this show to, let us say, a hungry Indian child. Here is how I imagine this conversation might go:
Random: “This show is called Man versus Food.”
Hungry Indian Child: “I do not understand. Why is he against food? I love food.”
Random: “Well, it is because he has to eat the food. All of it.”
Hungry Indian Child: *Blank Stare*
Random: “Well, see, sometimes it is a really, really large amount of food. Like one time, he had to eat 72 ounces of steak.”
Hungry Indian Child: “Did he win a game show? Is that why he gets to eat this much food? How do I play this game?”
Random: “No, no, it’s not like that…here, let’s watch. Okay, see? They are going to make him eat chicken.”
Hungry Indian Child: “Oh! Chicken sounds very good! I would like to try that!”
Random: “Oh, but see, they are going to cover it with spices so hot that no one wants to eat it.”
Hungry Indian Child: “They… are going to ruin the food first?”
Random: “Exactly! Then we all watch him eat it and chant our national pride.”
Hungry Indian Child: “He is a large man. It looks as if he has had enough to eat. Does he share the food?”
Random: “No, he has to eat it all himself. She how he’s crying from how hot those chicken wings are?”
Hungry Indian Child: “I am crying from hunger.”
Random: “Want to watch another episode?”
Hungry Indian Child: “HE GETS TO EAT MORE?!”
Ayup.
Share This
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
July 1st, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Sometimes I wish I could be present for these internal monologues. I can only imagine that your head kind of twitches back and forth as each pretend character throws its proverbial punch. I can only dream that there is also soft giggling in public places.
July 1st, 2010 at 7:06 pm
HAHAHAHA, Random…I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand how your mind works.
You just might be a national treasure.
That guy just grosses me out. I watched him chow down on FIVE POUNDS of burrito the other night. GAG…who would do that to themselves on purpose.
Not that I don’t love me some good Mexican food, but that’s just sick.
July 1st, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Wow…I’ve never heard of this show. Now that you’ve described it, I’m glad I haven’t.
WTF??
July 1st, 2010 at 10:58 pm
ditto CBG…WTF!?!?! I’ve seen it listed in the TV guide but now I’m happy I’ve never turned it on.
You definitely put a unique spin on things. I’m glad you make us notice this idiocy.
July 2nd, 2010 at 3:58 am
Just one more thing wrong with north american society.
I hate us sometimes.
July 2nd, 2010 at 5:34 am
Haha, I have seen this show on tv both in New Zealand and the UK.
Its spreading.
July 2nd, 2010 at 6:54 am
I’ve never seen it, and never will, but this is exactly why I hate hot dog-eating contests and the like. There are so many people dying of starvation every day, and we make a game out of how much food people can cram into their bodies, and then whose bodies end up purging it all anyway?
July 2nd, 2010 at 12:20 pm
I could not agree with you more. It is absolutely disgusting the things people will watch on television now days. And the types of shows these networks will promote. Sorry but the Reality TV Show Era touches a hot-button with me. I see nothing wrong with American Idol, Biggest Loser or Dancing with the Stars, but the fact that the public wants to watch Jersey Shore and other shows that degrade and promote trashy people to the public just disgusts me.
July 3rd, 2010 at 5:16 am
I think this show may have hit Australia…saw it in the TV guide and thought it looked like crap.
I like your Indian child scenario. Message well sent.
July 3rd, 2010 at 8:11 am
I laughed at your depiction of hungry Indian child. Am I a bad person? And then I was sad, which makes me feel better about it.
July 5th, 2010 at 10:57 am
The best part about Adam Richman is he claims to have worked in almost every position in the food business but his ability to describe food amounts to “This hamburger tastes meaty with a slight hint of vegetable.” He’s about as articulate as my current sunburn, and that’s giving him a little head start.
July 6th, 2010 at 2:22 am
This IS the funniest blog post I’ve read in 2010! I even read this OUT LOUD to several friends of mine. Outstanding, RE, outstanding.