Random Esquire

1. It’s hard to write a blog entry.

When a dog insists on standing on you and staring at you.

2.  I ate a mango today.  For some reason, I decided I would just peel it and eat it off of the pit.  Except, this wasn’t a small champagne mango. This was one of those big ass mangoes that white people buy because it is red and orange and pretty.

Dude. This was a mistake.

When I was done, it was like someone had put privacy curtains between each of my teeth.

3.  I saw my parents and their new $600 blender yesterday.  My mother gave me their throw-away $300 blender.  I had to ask.

I said, “Mom, what the hell are you two blending that you need that machine?”

Because the only thing I’ve seen them use the thing for is fruit smoothies.

My mom said, “It makes awesome margaritas!”

I said, “Mom, you don’t drink.”

“I might start.”

Now, really, my mother does occasionally drink but pretty rarely.  I said, “You have maybe two margaritas a year.”

My father grunted and said, “Those are three hundred dollar margaritas.”

Happy father’s day!