Underwear, Fish, Slushie-waste, and Momversation.
1. Lousy Schmuck sent me a text message last week. It said, “I just figured out I’ve had my underwear on inside out all day.”
2. My father informs me that we will be leaving at 3:30 a.m. to go fishing. All I have to say about that is that the fish better be both big and plentiful. And taste like butterscotch and whiskey.
3. I hung out with Editor last night. Pizza + beer + ice cream + hockey. Then we both sat on the couch and hollered at the television. Speaking of Editor – have I ever mentioned that we once went to catch a flick and as soon as we were seated, he farted and then proceeded to use his hands in an attempt to scoop and waft said fart at me? As soon as I realized what he was doing, I promptly dropped my slushie in surprise. Waste of a good slushie, that.
4. If I never hear another person say “Now’s a good time to buy” I will be perfectly content. That and “You should buy a place.”
I get it.
5. Conversation with my mother:
Me: “Hey, Mom.”
Mom: “Who is this?”
Me: “FOR REAL?”
Mom: “Oh, hi. What’d you do this weekend?”
Me: “Helped some friends move and watched hockey.”
Mom: “Your friends moved?”
Me: “Yeah. They bought a place.”
Mom: “Ohhh. You should buy a place. Now’s a good time to buy.”
Me: *Deep Breath*
Mom: “I have to go. Your dad is pouring orange juice.”
*Blink*
Yes, I’m serious.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
May 30th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Your mom is a crack up
May 30th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
You were watching hockey? I mean, I know the reason and all…but I’m Canadian and ** I ** don’t watch hockey.
Interesting…
May 31st, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I haven’t heard anyone tell me I should buy a house, but after getting laid off I had a few people tell me I should work at a law firm. Two people actually claimed “job security” as a selling point. One of them was also a laid off attorney.
Why is it that the only people who have opinions about what you should be doing only suggest retarded things? The only good advice I’ve ever gotten was “you need a drink.”
June 2nd, 2010 at 7:01 am
1. Yep, guilty. Many times. WTF?
2. Did you catch anything? And if not, did you care?
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:09 am
I think I love your mom more than I love you, Cookie.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:10 am
this is just a random comment to let you know I still can’t clear my mind of the ‘expressing anal glands video’ I saw after you mentioning it. crosses my mind daily especially when I look at my 3 animals and wonder if their anal glands are bothering them. So I figured I’d be a wee bit evil and get it back into your mind too heh heh!!!!!
Okay, and I am going to be in Chicago for the first time eva during the last week of July!!! So excited. I have been told I have to go see the John Hancock center. Is it really ‘the’ thing for this Canadian girl to see??