Random Esquire

1. Who are these people in those ads who wash their dishes with paper towels?   You know what we call strong paper towels?  Cloth.  Quit being wasteful.

2.  I think I touched a dog duke with my finger today.  Hole in the poop bag.  That’s an unpleasant surprise.  I wouldn’t say it’s up there with discovering a hole in a condom.  But it’s up there.

3.  IKnow! had a baby. She worked on her blackberry while in the hospital, while in labor.  Of course, she told everyone she was in labor so they would recognize her dedication.  Sycophant.  I let our boss know she had her baby.  I also told him that she cut the umbilical cord with her blackberry.

4.  You know what makes you feel bad?  When you accidentally bonk your dog on the nose and he pauses, squints his eyes and shakes out a sneeze.  Sorry, little man.

5.  I’m hungry. Somebody feed me!

He fell asleep with his face on his paws, leaving it smooshed.