Back to Basics: Random Listyle a la RandomEsq.
1. Editor recently sent me a text that said: “You know what kills me? Lack of the 3 V’s. Validation, Vacation, and pussy.”
2. I’ve had the same vacuum for 10 years. So on a whim, I bought a new one. Guess what? Little Filthy hates it as much as the old one. I probably shouldn’t have tried the pet hair removal attachment directly on him. Turns out, it’s for furniture.
3. Speaking of the beast, he got his stitches removed. When we walked into the vet, he clearly recalled the last horrible visit and without squatting or any pre-game fanfare, he pooped a tiny poop right between my shoes.
4. If you follow me on Twitter, you also heard about how, during a recent off-leash romp at the park, he pinpointed the most attractive woman at the park, ignored her dogs and instead, walked over to her leashes on the ground and promptly peed on them. Fortunately, he was more or less on empty and she could not stop laughing.
5. I love how Woody Allen has come out in defense of Roman Polanski. Next up in defense of Polanski: Casey Anthony and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
6. I like Betty White but I’m sort of tired of her shtick. I am suffering from “sweet looking grandma says dirty things” overload.
7. I had my mobile phone in my pocket the other day when I walked into the restroom at the office. Someone was in a stall. As I was…let us say…’mid-motion’, I received a text message and my phone said, a la Quagmire from Family Guy: “Heh heh. Alllllriiiiight.” At first, I grinned. Then I wondered if said person thought I had said it. That wiped the grin off my face.
8. I think it’s funny when people refer to “the business end” of something, meaning the butt.
9. The last few weeks, I have felt a combination of many feelings and today, my frustration has culminated into a feeling of recklessness. That’s not really a great thing, going into a weekend.
10. My leg is completely asleep right now. It reminds me once, when I was a teenager, that I fell asleep and woke to the sound of the phone ringing in the other room. I scrambled out of bed onto a leg that was completely asleep and nerve dead and I fell flat on my face. I didn’t let that faze me. I got right back up and fell down again.
I didn’t know it was going to be an allegory.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
It’s so good to have you back and making me smile.
May 21st, 2010 at 3:20 am
Personally, part of me looks forward to being an old lady who says dirty things. I’m totally going to shock the pants off some of those young whipper-snappers…
May 21st, 2010 at 5:31 am
Ahhh… thats better
Number 7 had me giggling..
May 21st, 2010 at 6:02 am
Agreed with debra…so nice to have you back with us. It just hasn’t been the same without your daily grins. (I’ve added your page to my home pages, so it opens every day. But nothing new for two whole weeks. Bummer.)
May 21st, 2010 at 6:31 am
1. That’s funny. Crass…but funny.
4. Did the pee-in-the-park trick work to start a conversation with this woman? I’ve tried that trick before myself. Only I don’t own a dog.
5. LOL
6. Perhaps, but I just saw White’s SNL performance this past week and thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in quite some time. You could tell that they pulled out all the stops to make it a funny episode, but White was awesome.
10. It’s been awhile, but I’ve actually had the whole “leg asleep when I woke up and I fell down” thing happen before. You’re certainly not alone. However, in my case I learned from the first time…but some people are quicker learners than others.
May 21st, 2010 at 10:54 am
The exception to number 8 is, of course the mullet…
Business in the FRONT, party in the back.
Just sayin’.
May 21st, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I just cracked up at the visual of #10. I WISH I HAD BEEN THERE, but in a non sleeping with you kind of way, of course.
May 21st, 2010 at 4:46 pm
#7 totally made my day, haha !
Have a nice weekend.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I will be a dirty old women too.
May 22nd, 2010 at 3:55 am
I have to agree with the whole Betty White thing… not feelin’ her sense of humor at all. The first time it was funny in a “did she really say that” kind of way. Now I’m just over it.
Let’s keep the Golden Girls on well after three a.m. where they belong.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Welcome Back RE! Hope you had a nice weekend.