Two Assholes Talking: Take Two.
You may recall the conversation I had with The Buddy regarding a potential date who was declared Who-ish. We had this discussion earlier today.
RE: When I see someone who is pigeon-toed, I sort of want to beat them up.
Buddy: heh.
RE: Like, in the wild, I feel like that’d be a clear sign that they were easy pickin’s.
Buddy: Totally.
RE: Survival of the fittest. But people who walk like ducks, they don’t seem stronger or anything.
Buddy: Misaligned.
RE: Yes. I don’t want to beat them up. Just the pigeon-toed people. I feel the same way about over-pronaters. WTF.
Buddy: Sounds like some kind of foot fetish opposite. You are not nice.
RE: I didn’t say I want to push them over and steal their wallet.
Buddy: That makes you a bully, not a thief.
RE: I’m not actually doing it. I just have a slight inclination. Not even a strong urge. Just a slight inclination to tip them over like a cow. Or like flipping a turtle on its back. So you can watch their neck stretch as they try to right themselves.
Buddy: Cows don’t tip by the way.
RE: Too heavy?
Buddy: That and they go down on their knees, like a dog.
RE: Just for the record, I do not wish to topple over heavy people.
Buddy: Thanks for clearing that up.
Then, later…
Buddy: I want a re-org. I want to be The Boss. Or at least The Supreme Rule Maker. We could out-law pigeon-toed people.
RE: What do you propose to do with all the pigeon-toed people who exist today, though?
Buddy: Put ‘em on an island.
RE: You realize that if you just put a bunch of pigeon-toed people together on an island, they’ll just make babies. Pigeon-toed babies.
Buddy: Let ‘em vote each other off.
RE: Off to where?
Buddy: Off to the bottom of the ocean where they can bob along. Like Angela Lansbury. On the bottom of the ocean. Bobbing.
RE: Is that a Poseidon Adventure reference? Was she in that?
Buddy: No. Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
RE: WTF.
Buddy: filigree apogee pedigree perigee!
RE: *BLINK* What The Hell Is That Crap Coming Out Of Your Mouth?
Buddy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedknobs_and_Broomsticks. you’ll beWITCHED! you’ll beDAZZLED!
RE: Well. You’ve left me speechless.
Buddy: My job here is done. *Bow*
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
May 5th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
That was one of the best.moves.ever! I heart Buddy.
Good post RE. However, so not the explanation I was looking for, at all really.
*POOF*
QT off to IM RE incessantly until she gets the answers she wants.
May 5th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
How can you not have seen Bedknobs and Broomsticks??
May 6th, 2010 at 7:20 am
This is, without a doubt, one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever read.
We HAVE to have a beer sometime!
May 6th, 2010 at 9:36 am
I haven’t had enough coffee to comprehend that conversation, but I dig your buddy.
May 8th, 2010 at 2:14 am
I am pigeon-toed myself, and I have definitely been teased for it growing up.
I am self conscious about it, and that is really all I can think about is how people must think how awkward I must look walking. It’s the one thing about myself that I can’t shake off.
Walking in heels is hard, and so is dancing but I have to keep doing it, telling myself that no one really notices. I really envy women I see walking in heels effortlessly or doing ballet. What I would give to do that with no problems.
But now I know that people really do notice. I can’t blame you for feeling that way, and I can take a joke but it does defintely bring me back. It’s just that adults think it and laugh about it, but without actually saying it.
May 10th, 2010 at 11:54 am
That was awesome. Love the Bedknobs and Broomsticks reference.
I’ll bob along now…
May 11th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
@Sandra – I’m sorry for the delay in publishing and responding to your comment. I’ve taken some time to think about it.
I should note – I don’t think it looks funny, per se – so I do not laugh inside or out. I think it looks like someone will beat them up. I say this because I was actually only thinking of men when I had this discussion, not women.
I am sorry I spoke insensitively and, as a result, hurt your feelings. You have made me pause and think with your very frank, non-defensive comment and I appreciate that.
Sincerely,
-R.
May 12th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Thanks, Random ! Happy Hump Day to you and LF ! He will probably hump something in your honor.
May 13th, 2010 at 9:19 am
to be fair too there is some women’s haircuts and styles that make me want to wack them up the side of the head.
May 19th, 2010 at 6:38 am
Random – where’d you go?? I miss your musings…
May 20th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Dude. I know you’re not dead and your crazy dog is eating you. Blog for God’s sake.