Dinner Conversations With Besos. And Penetration.
1. Apparently, I’d been doing something that Besos found less than charming.
I know.
I was just as surprised as you.
This came to light when her head exploded, spreading ash across much of the midwest thereby prompting the FAA to cease air travel for nearly 24 hours.
Perhaps you heard.
2. I then informed Besos that it would be helpful if she told me these things when they occurred. I said, “When a dog poops in the living room, you have to catch him. You’re not supposed to just find it and then go get the dog and rub his face in it. By then, he doesn’t understand. You have to catch him in the act. I didn’t know I’d been pooping in the living room.”
I looked up from my meal to find her staring at me, chewing thoughtfully. I said, “Bad analogy?”
She nodded.
3. Besos and I then had a conversation about my alleged lack of sensitivity in one of my recent blog entries. She was quite stern. She said, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” She wasn’t familiar with the ..um, the joke about rolling a girl in flour. After I explained it to her, I watched her sit there and try to look stern but fail because she was forcing herself not to laugh. +1 Random.
4. Besos then mentioned an incident that happened about a year ago while she was at her brother’s place and her parents were visiting. It seems she was in the room next to her parents and *cough* heard some things. She had previously described said things as ‘baby talk’. However, she elaborated on the story through shudders of disgust.
I said, “Ohhhh. I didn’t realize your dad was going for penetration.”
I looked up at her staring at me with an open mouth, teeth bared and eyes almost squeezed shut.
“Agghhhhhh!!!!”
And then I understood why she was upset. Because she caught me pooping in the living room and let me know it was wrong.
See, I’m really not that complicated.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
April 18th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Can’t… type….. laughing… too hard….
Poor Besos.
April 18th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Hey, us big girls need love too. Better a big butt than a butterface!
(I had to google the flour reference.)
April 18th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
@T – Poor Besos? POOR BESOS? Pfft.
@Barb – First, you’re not big. Second, I agree. Third, the flour thing is horrible, right? That’s why I haven’t repeated it but only referenced it. However, Besos was so shocked at hearing it the first time that she couldn’t hold it in. And fourth… how you doin’?
April 18th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I have no idea what the flour thing is, but I’m much too lazy to google it. (And I suspect that it’s not work friendly. Even my work. Where I say the word “vag” a hundred times a day.)
I’m glad Besos learned how to catch you pooping on the carpet. We all love a well-behaved Random.
April 19th, 2010 at 2:01 am
I’m a fan of the “Startle Bottle”. This works wonders on my RandomEsq’s and Pugs too!
Drink a bottled soda, wash out bottle, put a few pennies in the bottom. Glue lid on nice and tight.
When your RandomEsq / Doggy is in the middle of misbehaving (i.e. pooping on the carpet or general jack-ass-ness) you toss that bottle at them so it lands close to their head and scares the holy hell out of them!
The negative behavior will often be avoided once they learn noisy objects are lobbed at their head.
I’ll mail Besos her very own Startle Bottle, just because I care!
April 19th, 2010 at 2:45 am
Apparently I wasn’t brought up in the polite society my parents claim, ’cause I knew what the flour thing was right away. And after hearing that you said “…. penetration”, I’m not worried about my filter anymore.
April 19th, 2010 at 3:30 am
Dude. Way to get caught pooping on the carpet. Hopefully she took THAT opportunity to rub your nose it. :-p
April 19th, 2010 at 4:20 am
And I love how the term “alleged” is thrown in there.
And yay! for Besos telling you how she feels!
I’m doing great. How you doin’?
April 19th, 2010 at 7:19 am
“I watched her sit there and try to look stern but fail because she was forcing herself not to laugh.”
I’m pretty sure that got your testosterone going, didn’t it?
April 19th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
oh! huh. i had to google the flour thing as well. that’s… huh. thought-provoking, certainly
April 19th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Did Besos every buy the Toyota? I have been on the d-low for a week. Need to catch up.
April 19th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
@Susan – What? You, more than anyone, prefer it when I *mis-behave*!
@Tiffany – *scowl*
@ruthm – Why do I feel like the dam has broken and hell will break out shortly?
@MommaSunshine – Well, she reached for her drink and acted like she was going to throw it at me.
@Barb – Yes, we are ALL ABOUT Besos telling me how she feels. TELLING ME. Not making me guess.
@QT – No, that was later.
@Alice – Horrible, huh?
@Pippi – She did, indeed. She’s very happy with it.
April 19th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Sunshine & I normally poop on the living room floor at the same time…it certainlt makes 1-person clean-ups less necessary.
April 20th, 2010 at 10:46 am
I hope you are pleased. I finally had to google the rolling in flour thing. Which led me to the Urban Dictionary. Which led me to finally understanding the first post. Apparently I’m just that clueless!