Random Esquire

When I was visiting my sister, my nephew enjoyed repeating the rhyme about monkeys jumping on a bed.  Want to hear it?  Here it go.

Two little monkeys, jumping on the bed.  One fell down and broke his head.  The mama called the doctor and the doctor said, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”

I did not think much of it until my sister turned to me and said, “Do you remember how it used to go when we were kids?”

*Blink*

I said, “What do you mean?”

She said, “It used to go: “The other called the doctor and the doctor said, ‘That’s what you get for jumping on the bed.’” It was far more punitive when we were children!”

And, in fact, she’s right.  When I was a kid, the moral of the story was sort of, “EH, you got what was comin’ to you, kid.  You jump on the bed, you might break your head.  It’d be your own damn fault.”

Now?  Now it’s some Dr. Oz bullshit quack who puts his hands on his hips, tilts his head and says, “Well!  We won’t be trying that again, will we?”

Kids today are soft.

Someone is an Ellen fan.

Apparently.

1.  Conversation with Besos via text message:

Besos: “I want to snuggle. Warm me up!”

RE: “I’ll grab your ass. How’s that sound?”

Besos: “Familiar.”

2.  Conversation with Lousy Schmuck (new nickname of a friend) who was coming over.

Lousy Schmuck: “On the train.”

RE: “Get off the train, turn left, exit the station…” (directions on how to get to the loft)  “I’ll throw rocks at you from the balcony.”

Lousy Schmuck: “Cool. I’ll throw a middle finger your way.”

RE: (having spotted Lousy Schmuck walking toward loft)  “I  see you!  Schmuck.”

Lousy Schmuck: “Do you see my middle finger too?”

3.  With my mother.

Mother: “What are you doing”

Mother: “?”

Mother: “Call me.”

Mother: “Have fun. Don’t spend.”

Mother: “Have fun. Save money.”

RE: *Blink*