Dumb Shit Sold at SkyMall. But Really? Sex Wedge.
I fully admit that I look through the entire SkyMall catalog when on an airplane. Why? Because it’s ridiculous. It has some seriously ridiculous stuff.
Speaking of ridiculous, when I took out my phone and snapped pictures of things, my mother said, “You look ridiculous.” This is because we all took the same flight to New Jersey to see my sister. I digress.
On to the stupid shit sold at Sky Mall. Let’s talk about what you would think if you saw the below products in a woman’s home – and the best is last.
If you visit a woman and she has a funky toilet seat for whatever reason – just…leave.
What the hell? Why would you want your front yard to look like a Night of the Living Dead? The only thing that would make this funny is if a dog pooped in that thing’s mouth.
This little picture was in an ad for shoes with springs in the heels. Seriously. Apparently, they sky rocket you to work. I couldn’t tell what the guy was holding in his right hand. If you see these at a woman’s home, set her up with your sister.
I don’t even know what the HELL this is. Like, you seriously strap the cell phone to your wrist so… that you don’t lose it? If you see a woman with this strapped to her wrist, just forget about it. She’s too stupid to date.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
BOOYAH. This is the motherload. If you see these things… you don’t need to date this woman. You just need to have sex with her. Because those things are *not* used to ease back pain – unless you mean ‘back pain during sex.’ If that ain’t a sex wedge, I don’t know what is.
Now, don’t get me wrong – the first thing you need to do is throw that that shit away. Cause you don’t want to use a used sex wedge. You just go get another one. For every room in the house.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I’ll bet you the SkyMall version is still way cheaper than a *real* Liberator sex wedge.
I totally want the zombie garden sculpture. And the Sasquatch, too.
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:44 pm
so now you’re taunting with the word sex in your blog … sigh ….
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:53 pm
I also want the zombie sculpture. Avitania and I should garden together
But excuse me – why is your derision directed solely at women? Equally disturbing when a man has purchased the kitty toilet accessories etc.
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:57 pm
@Instigator – it isn’t *derision*. heh. I wrote it that way just so I could get to the sex wedge and say, “If you see this at a woman’s house, GO FOR IT.”
Purely a mechanism for incorporating the sex wedge.
You understand.
March 22nd, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Kitty toilet seat… really? That’s just eww.
Sexxy Shmexy Wedge I can get behind, or rather my BLT…well nevermind, I’ll keep that thought to myself.
Look at how well I’m learning to use my verbal filter!
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:16 am
Ummm, so how much were the sex wedg….err….I mean “sleep configuration devices”?
March 23rd, 2010 at 7:27 am
I am left wondering if the sex wedge helps those with hymen …
March 23rd, 2010 at 8:19 am
@QT – Well, I’m sure it’d fit in your vagina, if that’s what you mean.
March 23rd, 2010 at 8:58 am
Lol!
Uh, I must be living under a rock. What the hell is a sex wedge?
March 23rd, 2010 at 12:21 pm
OMG! QT, kick randoms ass for that one! I must admit though, that made me laugh harder than I have in ages!
March 23rd, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Sex Wedge:
http://www.examiner.com/x-1916-Sex–Relationships-Examiner~y2009m6d30-Sexy-Toys-Review-Liberator-Wedge–Ramp-Combo-better-sex-through-geometry
March 23rd, 2010 at 5:03 pm
I have never heard of a sex wedge. Are you supposed to lean backwards on it or over it. I guess you could do both. Interesting. Ha ha ha about QT’s hymie.
March 23rd, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I have a bad lower back, so believe it or not that “sex wedge” really does help your lower back in addition to all the sexual benefits.
March 23rd, 2010 at 6:31 pm
I want a sex wedge…..it would help my back.
March 23rd, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Besos….Amen sister!
March 24th, 2010 at 9:17 am
Yes, well, it is already well known what RE thinks of the size of my Two Car Vagina.
March 24th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
I want a sex wedge!! They’re also useful if you have acid reflux, so that you can prop up on it and not wake up with acid in your throat. Sexy.
I’m also a fan of the zombie. I bet it would keep the Mormons from knocking on my door.
March 24th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I think it was trying a sex wedge that helped conceive my ‘happy surprise’ child. Something about the way my pelvis was raised. Mind you I wasn’t lying on it quite the way this lady is- heh heh.
And realizing how wrong in the head this makes me sound I am still going to share it. First thing I thought of with the jet powered shoes is that he is holding a vibrator and using it on an amazon woman. Not sure where that came from. Could be from the book I am reading that is basically hard core porn with a bit of plot thrown in. It’s got so much sex in it that I have ever started skipping OVER the sex scenes to get to some plot. Never had that happen before. Maybe I am not right in the head
March 29th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Ok having a 9 year old who has a cell phone (it’s not HER cell phone, it’s an EXTRA phone for the house that she is able to use at times) I can see the advantages of that strappy thingy.
Also, call me kinky, but that sex wedge looks comfortable as shit.