Random Esquire

Last Wednesday, I took off work so I could accompany Besos to the hospital for an endoscopy.  I took along my camera.  This is because it is not every day that you get to see the inside of someone’s stomach and I wanted to document said procedure for posterity.  And when I say “for posterity”, I mean “for the blog.”

This may come as a shock but sometimes, I am annoying.  Like, really annoying.  That is exactly how I seemed when I bounced into her place, big grin on and camera ready to rock and roll.  Except, did you know this …?  that being the person who is going to get the endoscopy is actually a lot less fun than being the person who gets to stare at the inside of a stomach?

Me:  “Do you think they’ll let me in with you? Do you think they’ll let me film it?”

Besos:  “NO AND NO.”

Me:  “I think if you consent, maybe I can watch.”

Besos:  “We’ll see.”

Me:  “Do you think they’ll let me film it?”

Besos: “NO.  I am telling you NO.  You can not film it. I am saying NO.”

Me:  *Sad Trombone Sound*

Guess what?  They didn’t let me in.   Otherwise, I could be showing you a picture of the inside of a Besostomach.  I know! Bogus, right?

So, that was Wednesday.  My day for the hospital came last night.Here’s a quick timeline.

Sunday evening, as I brushed my teeth before bed, I noticed that on each eyelid, I had a red, raised/swollen area.  It was definitely odd but I did not think too much of it.  I took Benedryl and went to bed.  The next morning, my eyelids had swollen so much, I could not open my eyes completely.  The swelling eventually went away and so I didn’t think too much of it.

I ate dinner and sat down to do some work.  That’s when I started to itch a little.  I noticed on the inside of my left wrist that some odd red patches had sprouted.  Then on my right wrist.  It happened so fast, I could practically watch them develop.  Next, the hives creeped down the back of my forearms – both of them.

So, naturally, I pulled down my pants.

and I had hives only on my knees.  No where else.  Then… I noticed them all over the left side of my waist – but not the right.  I snapped a picture and sent it to my sister and exlained.  She ordered me to the doctor, concerned that my throat might swell.

Urgent care center is in an ER by me so off I went, Besos planning to meet me there.

Okay, so, this is when I’m grateful to be an attorney and not a doctor. I can’t even explain the weird scene so I will sum it up.

Sitting in triage with a dude who, apparently, just got jumped and beaten with a pipe or something.  Cops around him. He refuses to tell them who did it.  The cop is unamused and reminds him that it is just like last time, when he was stabbed and couldn’t remember who did it to him.  He has many friends who keep wandering into triage to see him.  I warn Besos that when someone comes into triage to finish him off, we will be running the other way.  Eventually I’m behind a curtain in the ER and this jackass is in the room right across from me.  The doctors and kicking everyone out of his room – meanwhile, Besos is sending me text messages from the waiting area telling me that his friends are also being kicked out of the hospital.

I wanted to see some kind of throw-down but nothing happened.

Oh yeah, my hives?  The doctors were sort of stumped.  We came to the conclusion that it may have been an allergic reaction to…. oven cleaner.

I’ve lived here 5 years and never cleaned my oven before.  I decided to try it over the weekend.  They suspect it caused my eyelids to swell.  Then I roasted a chicken in the oven – and guess what? That’s what I ate for dinner last night, thereby seemingly introducing some fragments of Easy-Off that may have worked its way into the chicken into my body – hence, body hive break-out.

So, yeah, anyway…that’s the story.  I’m hoping tonight is dull.