Hello. My Name is Random and I… am a Honker.
If you’ve ever sat at a light that just turned green and been slow to get your ass moving, the person honking the horn behind you may have been me. You know why? Cause I’m not here for my health, asshole. Get moving.
Now, look, I don’t abuse the horn. I don’t honk for no darn reason. I honk for specific reasons. The primary one is to say, “Pay attention.”
I wouldn’t honk at a taxi that was dropping people off in front of me. I figure the people know that cars are waiting and, as a result, will move their ass with some speed. Of course, if there appears to be some dilly dally bullshit going on, I might honk as if to say, “You stupid tourist, did you not know you’d have to pay the taxi when the ride was over? Keep an eye on the meter and have your money ready so that you can get your ass moving when the taxi stops.” Yes. I can say all that with the mere honk of my horn.
Also, I will honk at a pedestrian on special occasions. Like, for instance, if I have a green left turn arrow and you decide to cross the street because you think you have priority, I may honk at you. And if you drop your groceries in shock, I will feel badly for a second but then will feel better when I drive over your oranges – but then angry again when I realize I’m dragging your now empty gallon milk jug under my car.
Okay, I may not be that bad. It’s just that I don’t really consider it really driving unless I honk my horn. Once, a past girlfriend of mine was driving down the street and when someone cut her off, I took it upon myself to lean over and honk the horn for her. Now, somehow, the horn got stuck and wouldn’t release and so the horn was blaring the entire way down the street. I just want to note that 1) a woman’s look can be louder than a horn and 2) I don’t do that anymore.
So I want to know: Are you a honker? Do you live in a big city or more suburbia?
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
February 21st, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Hi….I’m Ray…and, I’m a Honker.
February 21st, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I don’t even know what my horn sounds like. So, no, I am not a honker. I am however, a passer…more of a weaver, in and out…out and in. I can’t stand being behind slow cars but for some reason, I can’t honk.
*HONK* *HONK* *HOOOOOOONNNNKKKKK* There, I honked and I liked it.
February 21st, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I’m a honker, and I get mad at Justin when he doesn’t honk the horn at appropriate times. Our regular fight is Me: HONK the HORN!! and Him: I’m not an asshole like YOU!
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:42 am
I am a light flasher. You pull out right in front of me. You get a quick double flash of the old full beams.
I find it a little less aggressive than honking. In fact, it’s really just the passive aggressive version of it.
I have little mental rules for honking. I’ll honk if a car is about to back straight into me. I will honk if there is IMMEDIATE danger.
I will also give a person 3.5 seconds grace at a green light before I honk to tell them they should have gone 3.5 seconds ago. I’m good like that.
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:46 am
No honking here. I grew up in the WAAAAAAAAY back woods, where I also learned to drive. The only time country folks use the horn is driving by the neighbour’s house to say “Hello!!” or to get some kind of wildlife or possibly a cow out of the road…
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:35 am
totally a honker! I get pissed if someone’s dilly dallying around, and it’s like come on!
i live just outside of DC….so it’s not suburbia, but it’s not the city, it’s inbetween. this one is the worst, and I HONK, one of those LEAN on the horn honks at these types of people – you know when cars get stuck behind buses, and they immediately decide oh crap i’m behind a bus and cut you off because they couldn’t have been bothered to switch lanes well in advance. it’s not as if the bus isn’t gonna stop at all these bus stops because they usually do. I hate those people, and I honk at them!
I never really honked until i met my fiance. he’s a bad influence on me!
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:46 am
Oh yes, I am a honker. I want to get from A to B as efficiently as possible. If you’re slowing me down in an idiotic kind of way, (like not moving your ass after the light turns green) I will honk at you. If you pull out in front of me, I will honk at you and if you do this when there are no cars behind me, I will add the death stare.
I also cant stand slow walkers, like in the mall or whatever, who seem oblivious to the fact there are other people on the planet who actually want to get somewhere and they either stand or walk really slowlly while blocking a thouroughfare.
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:50 am
That horn sticking story made me laugh out loud. I live in NYC, so honking is pretty much the language of driving. The gypsy cabs even honk about once a block while they’re trolling for passengers. I’m a big fan of the staccato honk (the heads up! honk), but I don’t “lay on the horn” unless the person really has their head up their *ss.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:47 am
Nope, not a honker. I grew up and still live in Orange County, CA, surfer town USA. Everyone here is pretty laid back and just give you looks like Dude…hurry up. When I have to drive into LA I literally have a panic attack. Everyone is honking and driving nuts, I feel like I’m in the middle of Mario Kart and weaving in and out to get where I need to go.
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:14 pm
I grew up in Seattle and I learned the difference pretty quickly once moving to suburbs of Maryland. Honking is considered so rude there. It’s not like NY here or anything but people will honk. I do the light tap on the horn and a wave if people don’t realize the light turned green. Or if it’s me not paying attn I wave when they honk at me.
On a similar note I had a Camry that had an old alarm system and one day it just started going off. I’d be driving down the road and the alarm would be sirening. And I’d just look around like everyone else acting like I didn’t know where it was coming from.
That was similar to the stuck horn in case you didn’t get the connection.
February 23rd, 2010 at 10:07 pm
My BLT and I have a theory… we both agree that people walk like they drive.
Amble around the mall, slow as hell, weaving in and out of other people? Totally oblivious of their need for personal space? Ya…that’s how you drive too huh?
Stop suddenly in front of me to point and stare at hideous lavender shoes in a shop window? I bet money you stop suddenly in traffic if you are trying to read a street sign or see something shiny.
Move with a smooth steady gait, getting to point B from point A as efficiently as possible and not making me crazy? (my preferred method for both walking and driving) Then I bet that’s exactly how you drive.
Should you be a member of group A or B – you will certainly get a taste of my horn, my large assortment of rude gestures, and an introduction to verbal abuse 101. I will readily admit I suffer from a lack of patience and have no desire to play nice on the road. LOL, just stay out of my way and we’ll be just fine.
March 5th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Fabulous subject! I am actually a reformed honker. I live here in the Seattle suburbs with my husband who is a police officer and likes to remind me that the law states that the horn is only to be used to warn other drivers. I then tell I AM warning them…..warning them that they are going to get run over if they don’t go when the light is green! Now that I am in my 30′s I would like to think that I have simmered down a bit. Recently I was the dumbass who wasn’t paying attention when I cut someone off. He didn’t honk, or flip me off. I felt like such a jerk anyway that I could have caused an accident and was pleased that he didn’t feel the need to rub it in. So there ya have it, reformed. Thats me.
Now….. when there is construction going on and they have the road down to one lane and EVERONE is warned of this atleast a half a dozen times prior to the lane reduction and someone decides to pass everyone and squeeze in….that’s another story!!! Huge pet peeve.