Two Car Vagina.
I tried to explain flirting to QTMama today.
I said, “If a woman puts my hand on her boob, then I know she’s interested.”
I went on to explain that if I squeeze it, that means I am interested, too.
However, if I am not interested, then I fake a grand mal seizure.
This is so I can still squeeze her boob but then topple over on to the ground.
I don’t think she understood, though, because she mentioned our plan on getting married at 50 if we’re both still single. (We also discussed my work bonus.) The conversation took a turn for the worse. Witness:
QTMama: DUDE. I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.
RE: WHAT.
QTMama: When we get married?! That BONUS IS HALF MINE! WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO
RE: You can’t tell, but I’m staring at you.
QTMama: Because we are both stupid so of course we will be single at 50. YOU SEE?! This works out SO WELL.
RE: I’m going to spend all my money on hookers, blow and race cars before we get married. Cause by then your vagina will be large enough to serve as a two car garage.
QTMama: SO? You will love me nonetheless
RE: Well, sure, you’ll be keeping the rain spots off my cars.
QTMama: You know what. I don’t care if my vag is the size of a garage. You WILL LOVE IT. Cuz that’s how IT goes. And don’t be thinking you can hit on other women when we get married either.
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
February 12th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
See? Told ya. We are stupid.
SO marrying me at 50.
February 12th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Love it! Maybe you will luck out and it will be a full, three car, side load vagina. Yes, marry QT!
February 12th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
If CBG hasn’t made me an honest woman by then, and you need a little “somethin-somethin” on the side, you have my number.
February 12th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
LMAO…you are her supportive bra and she is your two car garage….damn you may as well go ahead and tie the knot now!!
Sunnie
February 12th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
At least you will have 2 nice cars in there. I want an invite, to the wedding that is!
February 12th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
I *heart* both you and QT.
February 13th, 2010 at 9:50 am
Sunshine – DUDE. Don’t be moving in on my Cookie when you think I’m not looking.
February 14th, 2010 at 2:22 am
One word…KEGALS.
February 14th, 2010 at 1:08 pm
The big question is does that 2 car garage have a front and back entrance? hehehehehe
February 14th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
OMG. I don’t know where to begin. This SO goes beyond any other pacts I have ever heard made between other single friends.
July 23rd, 2010 at 8:21 am
[...] Irishman (don’t forget lots of trips to Vegas!), kissing toads, my re-hymenation, my two-car cobwebby vag, Cookie’s break-up service for me … and while I could go on and on and on, I’ll [...]