Fresh Express is Back, Bra-Less and Sporting Sock Dirt.
I walked into Instigator’s office today and when she looked up from her computer at me, I paused.
She was wearing lipstick.
See, Instigator usually puts on lipstick after I walk into the office. She puts on lipstick for me. What’s the point of having a work girlfriend who doesn’t wear lipstick for you? I recalled seeing a large group of people in one of our conference room and quickly deduced that they were her people and that she was wearing lipstick for them.
I said, “Those your people?” She nodded. I made a circular motion with a hand indicating her face and said, “I just want you to know that I know this wasn’t for me.”
She ignored me.
Churro joined the conversation with me and Instigator. The three of us were discussing something when Fresh Express wandered in.
I am ashamed to say that it was…. how shall I say this,… it was pointedly obvious that Fresh Express was not wearing a bra. I attempted to go cross-eyed rather than endure.
Afer she left the room, I sighed and said, “Could she please wear a bra?!”
Instigator looked at me and said, “Could she please wear some shoes!”
I gaped. I hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t been wearing shoes, for God’s sake. I’m pretty sure that if Denny’s would refuse you service based upon your level of dress or undress, then certainly it is not appropriate for the office, no?
Churro chimed in that yes, in fact, Fresh Express was walking around in a pair of socks that were “fucking filthy”. Sure enough, I noticed them later. They were purple Donny Osmond socks, my friends. And they were black on the bottom.
I’ve mentioned that Fresh Express once washed her socks in an office coffee pot, right?
See, this is why you don’t drink office coffee. It could just as likely be Fresh Express Sock Dirt colored water.
Unacceptable.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
February 2nd, 2010 at 11:59 pm
I really think Fresh Express needs a mental evaluation. Maybe as a part of her next employee review? I would be willing to fly to Chicago and help out with this… please let me be there…prettty pretttttty please?
I’ll bring a bra with me even.
You know what sad, if I didn’t wear one nobody would notice. At least there’s one benefit to small breasts. I do not suffer the effects of gravity that my large chested companions do. After four kids those little suckers are still nice and perky!
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:13 am
I’m a big fan of barefoot, (Athough, not in the office…floor staples anyone? Ow!) but a huge non-fan of dirty socks (or any socks). And going braless in public? So unacceptable. Bleh.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:30 am
Did you check in the coffee pot for her bra?
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:26 am
If wearing heels all day is uncomfortable in the workplace, then just buy some comfortable fucking shoes!
In some areas…fashion being one of them…guys really do have it easier.
RE…just out of curiosity…were they, at least, decent to look at?
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:28 am
As long as it wakes me up in the morning, I could really care less WHAT I’m drinking.
heh.
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:21 am
sigh – men are soooo …… je ne said quoi …….. good thing there are females in that office…
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:34 am
Tiffany – OH, you’d quite enjoy meeting her. I am laughing at the expression I imagine would be on your face.
Susan – Floor staples! Ack! That made me cringe.
Debra – that made me laugh out loud.
CBG – NOT AT ALL DECENT.
MommaSunshine – You kill me.
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:35 am
Ruthm – Ack, did I sound like an ass?
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:38 am
When I read the title I was so happy Fresh Express was back that I eagerly devoured the story at first until we got to no bra then screeched to a halt at no shoes/filthy socks. I just threw up a lil bit in my mouth.
Even at my work we have an underwear/shoes policy and I work at a strip club!
Okay I don’t work at a strip club but you get my point.
Maybe you should take up one of those annoying office collections to buy Bras/shoes for those in need and paste FE’s picture on the envelope.
Just sayin….
Okay I am STILL shuddering! Is she a lawyer too for crying out loud?
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:39 am
And RE, knowing RuthM as I do (love her) she likely meant of course you didn’t notice no shoes after the no bra tee hee. If there were no ladies in the room the lack of footwear would have gone unnoticed and the story wouldn’t have us all up in arms like we are.
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
Ugh. Seriously? Donnie Osmond socks? No bra? I get pissed when I see people at work wearing crocs. But just socks, grimy ones at that… might cause me to emit an obvious stare of distaste and a lip smack. And I only do the lip smack when I am joking or seriously bothered by something.
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:37 am
See, I find yet another reason NOT to drink coffee.
So, did you just let Instigator get away with prettying herself up for *gasp* OTHER people? lol
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 am
Eek! Braless wonder and Donny Osmond purple socks.
And she’s called Fresh Express for what reason?
February 3rd, 2010 at 10:36 am
I used to have quite the hots for Donny Osmond.
I really think we need to change Fresh Express’ name…cause she doesn’t sound so “fresh” to me.
February 4th, 2010 at 8:27 am
I can’t imagine going without a bra. It’d be so GLARINGLY obvious. I mean, bounce bounce bounce. Yeah I don’t get it.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
good lord.
who’d she blackmail over there?