Random Esquire

Lady Date Penelope says, “You know I am Spanish, right?”

I’m not a big fan of talking on the telephone.  I spend about 50% of my day at work on phone calls.  By the end of the day, I’d rather be next to someone than have a phone against my ear.  I dislike the sound of a ringing phone and often have calls silenced.  E-mails and text messages make the smallest of blips.

I actually don’t speak with almost anyone on the phone other than my family and some very good friends.  Even then, I often choose not to answer the phone.  I forget that not everyone is like this until I hear the sound of someone’s phone ringing and I instantly get a confused look.  My communication with most people is done via IM or text message.

That’s right.  Apparently I’ve entered some sort of friendship blackhole in which relationships are advanced without the troublesome, hampering need to actually see someone face to face.  I’m being rather tongue in cheek there.  But you get my point.

The other day, I was discussing something with Sitcom and I said, “Hey, you free right now? I’m going to call you.”  She said, “Sure!”

And I realized something.  Remember when people would just stop by someone else’s place?  The general rule was that you called first.  You call before you stop by.  Now?   Now I text before calling someone.

What the hell?

Calling is the new stopping by.

I worked last last night and my workload was lightened a fair bit by my most recent work wife.  She’s a new work wife.  I’m a polygamist in the office.  Work wife and I have a work-deal to discuss so I sent her an e-mail asking if I could take her to lunch and we could sit down with the contract in question to discuss.  She accepted.  Simple, right?

Except, see, last week, I read my work girlfriend – Instigator – the riot act when I found out that she had brought her lunch to the office.  Because, really, folks, what’s the point of a work girlfriend if you aren’t running off at lunch time?

There.  Does that set the scene?  Can you see how this is going to go?

I walked into Instigator’s office this morning and prompted peered at her eyeball and exclaimed, “You have green eyes!  That will make a good picture!”  She ignored me.  Then she said, “Are we going to lunch today?  I purposely did not bring something to eat!”

I opened my mouth and said, “Oooooooeeeeeeeewwwww…, about that….” and then  Instigator’s brows furrowed and her lips curled and when I explained the situation, she said, “WHAT?!”  I cringed.  And then I told her who my new work wife is and that we had lunch plans.  And then she picked up some paper from her desk, wadded it up and I instantly ducked down behind her desk to avoid the flying paper ball.

She said, “Look, first, I wasn’t invited to your Lady Date.  Then, you didn’t take advantage of the fact that my husband was out of town last week. NOW we aren’t going to lunch?”

So I am eating two lunches today.