The Gallows of Love: I get by with a little help from my friends.
“People need a little loving and, God, sometimes
it’s sad the shit they have to go through to find some.”
Richard Brautigan
1. I was recently expressing some melancholy to a friend about the frustration, sadness, helplessness and sometimes hopelessness of loving another person. I am, for better or for worse, cursed with an ability to see the lighter side of just about everything in life – in those situations where laughing may be the only substitute for crying. And I don’t cry.
As I sat there and let loose things that had been on my mind and unloaded what has been feeling like a heaviness, I began to feel a little lighter. And then my friend, in sincere and utter honesty, and pure fellowship of being said:
“Love. What a cunt.”
And the pure truth of it, the shock of it – made me laugh so hard that any tear I might shed made itself known then, in the midst of laughing with a friend.
And then in what seemed like an utter release, she said, “God. I love that word.”
Which made me laugh even harder. It was, however, the next line that pushed me over the edge:
“I smell T-shirts! Finally, my millions!”
2. Today, I listened to QTMama discuss her own frustrations about love and relationships. And again, in the midst of genuine sadness and frustration, though not my own, I found myself laughing with someone else who also sometimes laughs at these moments of earnest emotion. I listened as QT expressed her frustration at not finding someone.
She asked, “What is wrong with me? It’s been two years.”
I said, “You will not like my answer.”
*silence*
I said, “There is nothing wrong with you.”
And then…. QT said, “I haven’t had sex in forever, I regrew my hymen last week.”
*Blink*
And then I just burst out laughing. I said, “You cannot say shit like that!”
She said, “What? About what?”
“ABOUT YOUR HYMEN,” I yelled, “That shit doesn’t happen!”
She said, “IT DOES….
…well, not really. But FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING.”
I couldn’t stop laughing.
And she said, “I am now WITH hymen again.”
She continued, “It’s my hymen, me…and I’ll get some cats.”
I said, “You should write this shit.”
She said, “Because the world should know that I haven’t had sex in YEARS?”
I said, “It hasn’t been years!”
QT said, “Yes it has…
…Figuratively speaking.”
I said, “You can’t make everything you say true by adding ‘figuratively speaking‘ to the end of it!”
Then I said, “This conversation cracks me up. Can I blog this? Pleasepleaseplease?”
QT shouted, “OKAYFINE.”
And there you have it.
“Love is all fire; and so heaven and hell are the same place.”
Norman O. Brown
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
January 19th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
“… I regrew my hymen last week”!
HOLY SHIT! LOL!
January 19th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
I don’t think hymens regrow, but for every 6 months you go without sex, I’m pretty sure you get to take someone off your “list.”
“Love. What a cunt…” truer words were never spoken.
-hugs-
January 20th, 2010 at 12:01 am
This post is so very timely. I’m struggling quite a bit with this myself these days. I was married at 19, and now at 35 I’m alone for the first time in my adult life.
And so I echo the sentiment: “love, what a cunt”
January 20th, 2010 at 1:27 am
I’m in the minority with most women, but I *love* the word “cunt.” I think I like your friend already!
Speaking of hymen, my favorite porn star (I know, you’re totally surprised I have a favorite porn star… heh) who also sells sex at the Bunny Ranch, posted this tweet. Ha. Hymens are funny.
January 20th, 2010 at 5:02 am
The length of time between the end of my marriage and next sexual experience was over three years (TMI…I know).
During that time, I’m pretty sure my hymen grew over, too…
…relatively speaking.
January 20th, 2010 at 6:33 am
Is that 6 month rule for real? Because that means I can cross off a regrettable experience or two. Just sayin’.
January 20th, 2010 at 7:01 am
“I am now WITH hymen again.” OMG. *Too* funny. Love you, QT!!
And for the record, I’d have to agree that love IS a cunt. A stupid cunt, in fact.
Blergh.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:21 am
stupid love-cunt. i totally agree.
and dude, i swear hymens grow back. i mean, i guess they don’t TECHNICALLY, but if you go long enough without getting some? you have to be AWFUL GENTLE the first time back in the saddle..!!
January 20th, 2010 at 11:44 am
See? Alice knows what I’m talkin’ about.
Figuratively speaking of course.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
That’s why it’s handy to know someone who is certified in the hymen maneuver.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
[...] Random is a Boob Loving PeckerHead that I Love [...]
January 20th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I also find the word Cunt usefully in so many situations. Man about QT mama’s problem, sometimes life sucks but all that waiting will be rewarded.
January 20th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I’m with Alice, cause I’ve been there done that ~ figuratively speaking.
You are lucky to be surrounded by wonderful friends who make you laugh!
January 20th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
It’s like I always tell my friend David, “who needs love when you have heartbreak?” Seriously.
You and QT are just hilarious. I’d love to see what kind of kids you two would have together! That would help with her hymen issues as well…
January 20th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
And this is why I love you and QT so much. You guys laugh where I cry, get all introspective and try to OM my way to relief.
Laughter is a beautiful thing.
And apparently, not a cunt.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
You guys are clearly meant to be.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
@Beth – I know, right? Who says shit like that? OH WAIT. I have an idea.
@Susan – My God, I didn’t know about the 6 month thing. Not that it’s doing me much good. *laugh* But good to know!
@Tiffany – amen. That’s a great quote, isn’t it? “Love. What a cunt.”
@Avitania – I have no words. *laugh* Oh, regarding my friend that you like? See comment #1.
And holy shit, that tweet – of *course* you have a favorite porn star. Of *course* you do.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
@CBG – 3 years? Just curious, but did that put you into negative sexual partners? heh. I kid, I kid.
@Jane – Cross ‘em off. Feels good, doesn’t it?
@MommaSunshine – That cracked me up, too. Like “with child” – only “with hymen.”
@Alice – I’ll warn QT.
@QT – you little shit.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
@Bibliomom – I… don’t even want to ask what that is.
@BobbiJanay – It’s one of those words that everyone thinks everyone else hates but…man, you know, it’s sort of been embraced here. heh.
@Linda – Yes. I count my blessings.
@Caperucita – Oh boy. Let’s not ponder the disaster any child might be if half QT, half RE. The world can only take so much of us at one time. Gah.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
@T – Look here, T, next time you want to get all weepy about something, make sure that:
1) Mindy Mom is not around. Cause you *know* she’s a cry pusher. She’ll tell you that shit will make you feel better.
2) Pick up the phone. Call moi.
3) I’ll conference in QT.
See how that shit works? That’s how we roll.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
@MissMegs – Oh boy. Yeah, if the world wants to spontaneously combust.
January 21st, 2010 at 8:18 pm
QT: I’ve read “Use it or lose it.” Luckily, I can say with absolute certainty that’s not true! There was none for me the last 2.5 yrs of my marriage. Add another 9 months before my next time, and I learned it wasn’t true. If anything, it was even better! Rejoice and sing a happy song!
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:52 am
I heart KissyFace. <3 Thank you!
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:55 am
@T – That so *is* how we roll.