Random Esquire

The dog was trying to sleep.  But I couldn’t sleep.  So I got up.  But he didn’t.

So I tucked his lips into his mouth and took a picture.

I’m not going to lie. If it’d been one of you, you’d have a Sharpie mustache right now, too.

Them’s the breaks when you fall asleep first in the house of Random.

1.  It’s obvious when I’m over-thinking anything.  I stop writing.  Clearly, clearly, the writing I do takes really, just the barest minimum of thought.  Minimal thought = de rigueur to write or read RandomEsq.

2.  You know what I’m eating?

Birthday cake.  Random FTW!

You know how QT wished me a happy birthday?

“Happy Birthday, Retard.”

Like I said, folks – a minimal amount of thought is good.

3.  I put my parents on my mobile phone plan and got them each new phones with a keyboard. Then I got them unlimited text messaging.  And then I got my first text message from them.

“hi.”

Well, that’s proven useful.

4.  I have four dates tomorrow night.

That’s right.

Four.

Well, I’m taking four ladies to dinner.  Not four different dinners. I couldn’t eat four dinners in a row.  Or even out of a row.

I let the chef know I was coming and bringing four attractive women with me.  He’s going to demand two of them.  I’ll let him choose which two he’d like.

And then I’ll take one back as a finder’s fee.

And he’ll only get one.

And I will get three.

And it will be RANDOM FTW!

5.  Well, after that brief week of nearly no writing… I do believe I am back in the saddle again.

Did you know that Puffs sells tissues with Vicks  in them? It’s a nose-full of menthol.  I hadn’t meant to buy them but one did make it home with me.

Did you also know that sometimes Little Filthy has a hanging chad?

That requires assistance?

Yes.

I accidentally used one of those tissues on the dog.  I, er, …wiped him with it.

It must have felt like a cool breeze on his butt.  He chased his tail for 10 minutes.

Sorry, Little Filthy.