Random Esquire

Amazon has some funny reviews.

There was the Harry Potter Broom that sold for a while – it vibrated and had sound effects.  It prompted this review:

“When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it.  Her friends love it too!  They place for hours in her bedroom with this great toy.  They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating).  My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too!  I recommend this for all children.”

Amazon no longer sells that broom.  Ballerina showed me this neat little gadget on Amazon – A Laptop Steering Wheel Desk.  It’s like a lapdesk – that attaches to the steering wheel of your car.  For your laptop.  Seriously.  See?

I mean, that’s the manufacturer’s picture.  Amazon also has Customer pictures.  Here’s one a customer uploaded:

I like this one – which was captioned, “Strong enough to hold a dog.”

The reviews are great.  I’m particularly fond of these:

“I find the laptop steering wheel desk provides an excellent , relatively stable platform for fondue on the road.”

“Finally, a surface for me to use my portable deli meat slicer on!”

But perhaps the most infamous is for… Tuscan milk.

It’s rumored to look like this:

Here are some customer pictures:

Some reviews I like:

“To my great surprise, inside my gallon of Tuscan milk was a small orphan boy. Thank you so much! WILL BUY AGAIN!”

“Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E! ”

“This product gave me diarrhea. My brother got cholera, my mom got the measles and my sister broke her arm. Soon after, we lost a wagon wheel and a thief stole 3 oxen.”

heh.  People crack me up.

[Edited to Add]:  Black toilet paper.

1.  I feel the need for another guys night with Editor.  The ironic thing about guys night is that we talk about women the entire time.

2.  I finished all of my Christmas shopping.  Again, this isn’t because I just couldn’t wait to get started.  More that I see Christmas as a band-aid I prefer to rip off in one quick motion.

3.  Sitcom will sometimes say, “That’s so gay.”  Now, lest you think Sitcom is being derogatory, I will tell you that she is not.  She is nothing if not open minded.  However, if you don’t know Sitcom and you heard her say it, it is possible you might get that impression.  But don’t worry.  You see, every time that Sitcom says, “That’s so gay, ” she follows it by clarifying to anyone within earshot, “I mean ‘gay‘ as in ‘totally lame‘ – not like ‘gay‘ as in the totally awesome homosexual way.”

It makes me laugh every time.

4.   Little Filthy has a new baby.  It’s a moose.  He takes it everywhere.  I put his leash on today, turned to grab my coat and when I turned back, his moose was in his mouth.  I had to explain that the moose did not go outside.  Moose sleeps in the bed with us.

This is a sad, sad family.  heh.