Random Esquire

Want one?

I’m not really sure what it is about QTMama that makes me want to try to offend her so terribly.  There was that one time I wrote a poem about her being a whore.  And then I may have tried to get her to use the phrase “hotdog down a hallway”.  Hrm.  But nothing bothers her.  She’s impervious to it.

This past Saturday night, I got a text message from her at 11:30.  Here’s how it went.

*****

QTMama: It’s 11:30 in Chicago.  What is Cookie up to?

RE: One hand is diddling a woman, the other is texting you.

QTMama: Liar!  What woman?

RE: One with a great big ol’ vagina.  I’m inside her now, texting.  It’s nice and warm and I can feel her pulse. It’s very intimate.

QTMama: LIAR!  You can’t fingerbang and text at the same time!

RE: Dude, I’m totally inside her vag.  It’s cavernous.  Wait.  Wait a second.  Is….  Is this *your* huge vag??

It must be!  There are pictures of Em hung on the walls.  Aww.  That’s sweet.  Very intimate.

QTMama: Dude.  My Vag is Awesome.

RE: What are YOU up to tonight?

QTMama: I am hanging out with my new guy.  So cute.  Cute boy plus me!

RE: Are you giving him a hand job while texting?

QTMama: No!  We’ve not had sex.  Goof.

RE: I must multi-task better than you.  I’ve had sex with 3 women while we’ve been texting.

QTMama: False.

RE: I’m chilling out at home tonight after guys night last night.  Nothing exciting.  Glad your date is going well!

QTMama: It so is!

RE: I mean, going well for you.  Not for him.  If it was going well for him, he’d at least be getting a handjob or something.

*****

So!  As you may know, QT is in Florida right now and we are texting this minute.  I am trying to convince her to let me do a guest post on her blog.

I suggested the idea and she said, “Oh! You could, sure!  Good idea.  Wait.  About what?”

I said, “OH I COULD COME UP WITH A FEW THINGS.”

She said, “I know.  That sort of worries me.”

**rubbing hands together evilly**

Stay tuned.

No.  No bath please.

However, he loves being dried off and given a towel massage.