Kids Are Better Than Ambien.
I spent the past weekend out East, visiting my sister and her family.
1. My sister’s driver picked me up at the airport. He doesn’t stand around with a sign, though. I call him when I land and then he’s there when I walk out. He had popped the trunk open and so, without really thinking about it, I started putting my bags in the trunk and he ran around and opened the door for me. I decided that next time, I’d let him lift the bags and I’d open my own car door. It’s weird.
2. When I arrived, I met the new nanny. She is pretty awesome. My nephew was sleeping and so I took my niece out to lunch. We ate at a little bistro and, as we left, we passed an obese gentleman. My niece looked up at me and said, “Why he ate too much?” There’s little you can say to that.
3. My nephew is a year and 8 months. He likes it if you ask him to whisper a secret into your ear. I leaned down and he whispered something softly into my ear. I asked my brother-in-law what he said (because the kid is fluent in two languages and choose the one I don’ t understand – and apparently he happens to tell the same secret to everyone). My brother-in-law said, “We don’t know why but he always whispers the same thing. ‘One egg.’”.
4. You may recall that my niece has an imaginary friend named Katcho. My niece was pretending to speak on the phone. She looked at me and said, “I’m speaking with Katcho’s nanny.” My brother-in-law looked at me and said, “Yeah… we’re on our second degree of separation.” I laughed.
5. I told my sister that I wrote about Christmas in our family. She said, “It’s a transaction.” I said, “EXACTLY! I called it prostitution.” My sister said, “EXACTLY!”
We’re very practical people.
6. Back home in Chicago, I went to bed last night at 8:30. No, I’m not kidding. That’s about 4 hours earlier than usual. You know why? Because kids are like Ambien to single people. I ran and played for three days, soaking in as much of the little ones as possible. And you know what?
HOLY CRAP, ARE THEY EXHAUSTING.
Share This
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:47 am
1. Kids are certainly better than Ambien.
2. I have several to rent out, should you need sleep again soon.
3. We have a plethora of transactional holidays in this country. Shameful. Especially the candy holidays.
4. Kids are also post-transactional-candy-holiday diets. No charge.
5. Imaginary friends are most excellent.
6. Don’t you want to pass a Kleenex when your niece says Katchoo?
November 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
1. Your sister has a driver? My family is lame.
2. Little kids are so honest… sometimes it hurts.
3. What language did he whisper it in? Spanish? Un huevo? Thats all I know.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Kids are more like Depo Provera to me rather than Ambien. I see them and my ovaries refuse to give up eggs.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Uh, yeah. Welcome to my life. Kids times 4 and just me. No driver. No nanny. No husband. And no imaginary friends.
Wine helps though.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
OMG. i totally agree. i just spent the weekend w/ my sisters’ kids and by the end i wanted to collapse in a heap on the floor.
this is why i have a dog.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
*just quietly observing and giggling at these comments*
November 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@BigLittleWolf – “Kids are certainly better than Ambien. I have several to rent out, should you need sleep again soon.” That made me laugh!
November 9th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@MissMegs – Dude. My sister has a driver, a nanny, yard people and house cleaners, a husband, two kids, and a huge house to maintain.
I have a dog.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I’m laughing at the rest of these comments. Easy to tell who does not have children and who does.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
I spent last weekend with a 3 year old and her 1 year old brother. I was exhausted. Utterly wrecked.
Which I find really embarrassing because our friends live with them EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES and they’re still standing! And the children are still alive! I don’t know how people do it. I really don’t.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Glad you’re back and had a wonderful trip !
Your niece and nephew sound adorable.
I would still rather take an Ambien.
November 9th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
“One egg.” Someday that’s going to be the answer to a great mystery…it has to be. That’s the way it works with kids. Of course by then, he will have forgotten it. -grin-
Glad you’re back.
November 9th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Hilarious stuff. Potential fodder for my a potential post in which I liken parents to people doped up on sleep meds stumbling around after tiny tots. (Kids are like Ambien for parents too. Thank goodness for caffeine.)
November 10th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Comments on this one are great! I’m going to have to say I’m pretty sure that’s why most of us aren’t handed a six year old and told to have fun as a parent! We’ve got to ease into this. By the time our kids are six, they know when NOT to talk to mom, when to ask mom for what they want and when to play elsewhere!
Starbucks helps too.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
@Kez – That’s what I was thinking! *SOMEHOW* the parents survive. CLEARLY they must get some sort of super power when they have kids. Because that’s not normal.
@Sandra – Thank you! They are just awesome little ones.
@ADR – I’d be drinking coffee all day long if I had kids.
@Marja – Starbucks helps? Starbucks would be my nanny.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Yes they are, I am exhausted every night.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Welcome to my world, every damn day.