A Woman Should Know How to Cook, Clean, and Do Laundry Before Getting Married.
Besos grew up in Mexico. She was telling me that I was rubbing off on her and that she was going to learn how to cook more things outside her standard repertoire of Mexican dishes. I enjoy cooking and since we are usually at my place, I tend to cook more often than Besos.
Anyway, in the midst of this conversation, she told me that when she was 18, her father said to her, “A woman should know how to cook, clean, and do laundry before getting married.” I said, “What?!” She repeated it. Having grown up in a family with a very independent mother and sister, I am not so much a fan of these archaic views. I said, “You should have told him that a man should learn how to keep his goddamn mouth shut before getting married.” She then told me about their old neighbor’s sister.
“Our neighbor’s sister got married and she didn’t know how to cook, clean and do laundry and he returned her.”
I said, “Wait, wait…what do you mean ‘returned her‘? Like they got a divorce?”
She said, “No, he just returned her home so she could learn to do those things.”
He returned her! Like …a broken product that needed to get fixed.
Wild.
Then I wondered if some men really do feel like this is a perk to getting married. My father doesn’t cook or do laundry. He does clean – but stuff like vacuuming. My sister knows how to do those things…but she hired someone to cook, clean and do laundry. Me? I’m 36, for God’s sake. I can do all three.
Maybe I should open a school for young Mexican women.
You know,… maybe I’ll run that idea past Besos first.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
October 27th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I am going to say that I agree with Besos. Women should know how to cook, clean and do laundry.
We carry the children and give birth to them, and we should therefore know how to nourish them and take care of them in an environment that isn’t a pigsty. That’s just common sense.
Men should help out too, and a compromise should be worked out between the couple. But that’s why communication in a marriage is so important.
I do not think it is sexist to say that women should know these three things.
Women can still have good careers and still know how to take care of families.
October 27th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I think the issue, though, is that to state that a woman, specifically, should know how to do these things implies that she is responsible for said things and that the man isn’t.
I strongly disagree that a man should “help out” – he isn’t helping out – it’s his responsibility as well. If you help someone, it implies you’re doing them a favor. This, to me, is a load of crap. A man doing laundry isn’t doing anyone a damn favor – he’s doing the laundry because it has to be done – not because it’s the wife’s job and isn’t he so nice, he’s helping?
To me, that’s like when a man has his children with him and someone asks if he’s babysitting. He’s not babysitting. He’s not helping to watch the children. Those ARE his children. No one would ask a woman that. Same thing with cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. It’s a flat out responsibility and I think it is absurd to think one gender inherently owns it more than the other.
I consider myself pretty traditional but I really find this idea that women own these chores ridiculous.
-R.
October 27th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Women are responsible for these things because most (most) men won’t do them and then you’ll live in filth… proof positive, man/woman share bathroom & bathroom stays clean – man has own bathroom & you need a chisel & a gas mask to clean that sucker. True story!
October 27th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
1. I think it’s totally sexist to say women should know how to do these things and men shouldn’t.
2. Women should know how to buy properly fitted gorgeous lingerie.
3. LF should learn to cook. He’s gifted. Get him an Easy Bake oven.
4. TRUTH: When I married (in my 30s), I did not know how to cook, except for three simple things.
5. TRUTH: I married a European who informed me that women who can’t cook when they marry are “returned” to their mothers to learn. Once they can cook, they return to their husbands.
6. TRUTH: I learned to cook. And clean. And still brought in an income.
7. I learned the lingerie rule post-marriage. Much better.
October 27th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Hurray for enlightenend Random!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Personally, I think that all adults – men and women – should know how to cook, clean, and do laundry when they get married. That way they can both contribute to the household.
When I got together with my exhusband, he’d never lived on his own (we were young – give me a break!!) He didn’t know how to cook or clean, and the laundry part was sketchy. After 10 years together he still barely did ANY of these things…but now that we’re apart – surprise! He’s learning how. He makes meals, keeps his house (mostly) clean, and does laundry (most of the time, according to my daughters).
I think it’s ridiculous, in this day and age, to expect these chores to be the responsibility of the woman in a marriage.
Just my two cents.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Oh RE…. I might just have to keep you *wink*
October 27th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Hmm. I think that BOTH genders should know how to do those things before they get married.
Picking on the ladies is just so…ick.
I always swear that if I ever have sons they will learn everything from ironing to laundry, to cleaning and all of that lovely domestic stuff.
October 27th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Random,
Now that you explained it that way, I agree with you. But there is still an underlying belief that women should care for the children and men should be the providers. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here having this discussion.
I just hope that the man I end up marrying feels the same way that you do and shares the responsibilities.
October 27th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I think that men AND women should know how to do all of those things in order to be productive adults! Chris has most everything down and is working on the cooking
I think that the idea that women are responsible for the home is an antiquated notion. In our case, since I’m the one at home, I do more of the house stuff. If roles were reversed, Chris would have to step up. It just makes sense.
Also, although I do most of the traditional “women” roles, I certainly don’t consider that my “job.” Service, or doing things for people, is how I show my love and I really enjoy taking care of others.
October 28th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Yeah see, I think *everyone* should know how to cook, clean, and do laundry before they leave home. Of course, I also believe that everyone should have to live alone for at least a year before being allowed to cohabitate. That way in case they didn’t learn those lessons, they’ll figure them out quickly or else die of starvation in a pigsty with dirty underwear.
October 28th, 2009 at 6:59 am
I’m happy to report that my mother raised two Renaissance sons who can cook, clean, and do laundry. They also bathe the kids and pick up groceries and sundries, even girly things from the Aisle of Male Embarrassment.
Likewise, I can change a tire and own a cordless drill.
October 28th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I think that any parent that doesn’t teach their children, boys and girls to do all of the above, are doing them a huge disservice.
And I am guessing that Besos is not going to be too keen on you teaching young Mexican women to cook.
Just my thoughts!
October 28th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Your paragraphs about “helping out” and “babysitting” really struck a chord with me. I absolutely dislike when men feel like they are babysitting their own children.
I’m also with everyone else and agree that all children whether they be boys/girls should learn to do the above.
October 28th, 2009 at 11:19 am
LMAO about the charm school for young Mexican women.
When Besos gets sick of you she can come cook me Mexican dishes and in return I’ll twirl her hair around my fingers. And I don’t think she needs to learn how to cook anything else. What more do you need, other than Mexican!?
October 28th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
if everyone just hired people to do things for them, this wouldn’t be an issue. I think you’re sister’s got it figured out. And also, I’m lazy.
October 28th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Oh, dude. If that were the case, C would have returned me back to whence I came a long-ass time ago. I grew up in a traditional Indonesian household — we had a live in nanny who did most of the housework, so I never learned to cook, clean, or even drive until I left the house… at age 21. Heh. I’m a decent cook now, and there were lean years where we couldn’t afford a house cleaner and I had to learn to do that stuff myself. But the toilet bowl is still my nemesis. I’ll scrub Ripley’s potty box before I scrub the toilet. For some reason, dog shit doesn’t bother me nearly as much as human shit does. *shudder*
@Bev – I love you. Do you love me? Please scrub my shower. xx oo.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:20 am
@avitania I will cook for you but only if you put out. I don’t clean showers
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:21 am
Men should learn how to cook and clean!
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:25 am
@Missy – Agreed – did you read the entry or are you just responding to the title of the post?