Pap Smears Make Lousy Gifts
QTMama’s recent entry about mis-hearing things reminded me of an incident from law school. I had been participating in a mock appellate hearing regarding disability law and had traveled to Milwaukee with my ‘co-counsel’ to argue in front of some judges. Our mentor throughout this journey was a very intelligent attorney who was in a wheelchair; he provided incredible insight and clarity into disability law.
Following a rather stressful day of arguing, my team sat around in a local bar in Milwaukee discussing how we would thank our mentor. We had all had a few to drink. Someone suggested something from Milwaukee’s art museum or an engraved gavel. The conversation went something like this:
A female teammate said, “Let’s get him a pap smear.”
This caught my attention.
I said, “What?”
She said, “You know…a pap smear.” The rest of the team nodded, thinking this was a good idea.
I said, “Are you kidding? That’s a lousy gift!”
She looked offended. “It’s not a serious gift…just something small along with his real gift…to remember our trip.”
I said, “What the heck is wrong with you people? First of all, that’s a lousy fucking gift. Second, he’s a man! How the hell is he doing to get a pap smear?!”
They all burst out laughing. My female teammate said, “I said a Pabst Beer!”
oh.
I get it now.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
October 26th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I have no words.
October 26th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
yup.
October 26th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Oh RE, you are priceless in so many ways …
October 26th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
This band I used to listen to had a player named Pat Smear. Someone had a mean mother….
October 26th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Ha! That’s too much.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
You crack me up RE. Priceless…
October 26th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
1. Just read you over at IvyLeagueInsecurities.
2. You run no risk of being boring.
3. Apathetic? We don’t care. U a-muse-us.
4. Does LF drink Pap Smear?
October 26th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@Kat – Pat Smear. That’s horrible. We had a guy in high school named Michael Hawk. Mike Hawk. Ayup. Sounds like just ‘my cock.’ Nice!
@BigLittleWolf – Little Filthy prefers milk stouts. Which are murder on his digestion since he’s lactose intolerant.
October 26th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Hahaha ! That’s funny !
My dad said he has to sleep with the CPAP on his face machine for his sleep apnea. Just listening to him say CPAP makes me snicker every time.
Btw, they don’t use the term “pap smear” that often anymore at the gyno. Now they like to call it the “well woman exam” or some bullshit like that. Like it’s supposed to make me feel better.
October 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
-snort-
October 28th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
So this reminds me of the time my coworkers in San Diego took me out for one last happy hour before I moved to Seattle. After we’d had a few drinks, one of my colleagues, a girl who was actually from Seattle, said, “Y’know, Seattle isn’t so bad. It’s just that in the winter, you really gotta watch out for black guys.”
The table goes kinda quiet, and all eyes turn to John, the only black guy in our group.
Me, kinda drunk yet emitting nervous laughter – “Why should I avoid black guys in the winter?”
John, with this look of laughter mixed with WTF: “Uh… well, I don’t like cold weather, but…”
Her: “Black ICE. You have to watch out for BLACK ICE, not black GUYS.”
Entire table: “OHHHHH…”