Um, what? Whoopi, wetting my pants, comments and The Camera Defense
1. I don’t understand when people text or IM: “What?” It’s in print. Just re-read it. Just as stupid is when someone writes “um”.
2. Whoopi Goldberg needs to read the Grand Jury testimony of Polanski’s victim. If that’s not rape….oh wait, It Totally Is.
3. I have a cold. My nose will just suddenly run. Just,…out of the blue. and like before, when it does, it feels like my face wet its pants.
4. I’m sorry I am so slow in responding to comments. I love reading them. I will be better.
5. On my walk home from work, I cross a street on to which many cars are trying to make a left turn. Those cars get a left turn arrow which then disappears – meaning that they no longer have the right of way and must wait for pedestrians to cross the street on to which they are turning. Got the scene? Want story? here I go.
So! I waited at the corner while the cars turned left and then the arrow disappeared and I got a walk signal. I stepped out into the intersection and a car came to a screeching halt about 4 feet from me. A woman in her car was turning left and did not look to see if people were crossing the street.
I was momentarily stunned and I stopped for a moment, taking it in. At this point, she yelled and drove forward another foot.
And that…is when I got angry.
I held my hand out toward the car and said, “COOL IT” – because crossing the street immediately by me was a man and woman with their baby in a stroller. The driver crept closer to all three of us who were staring at her. She came within no more than two feet of the three of them.
And that…is when the father got angry.
The man put his hands on the roof of her car, standing in front of it as if he was going to push it backwards and he waited while his wife crossed the street, yelling at her while she yelled back.
What did I do? I stood next to him and pointed my camera phone at her.
You know what? It freaked her the fuck out.
Which, it turns out, wasn’t really necessary.
Because I didn’t have time to actually get a picture before we both got out of her way and she burned rubber down the street.
But this is known as The Camera Defense. Boss used to tease me about this but I am a firm believer that most people will act like complete assholes if they think it is a relatively private affair. But if you point your camera phone at them, they usually get their shit together pretty quickly. Once, on our way to the lake with Little Filthy, I honked at a guy who was straying out of his lane into mine. At the next light, we were next to each other – me on the right side of him. He started to yell at me so I picked up my camera phone and pointed it at him and his wife instantly turned and told him to STFU and stop it.
Point of the story?
PAPA BEAR FTW!
The Camera Defense FTW!
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I’ll be willing to bet that those bitches on the View probably don’t even know what a grand jury is.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:39 pm
I totally use the camera defense! It totally makes people back down, every time.
Or I tell them that my father is a cop if they try to give me a hard time.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I so have to remember this camera thing.
October 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 am
Ha! I love the camera thing! I will try it one day but only if the perpetrator is unable to bash the living daylights out of me!
I think it’s the whole “being kept accountable” thing. And the whole, “take a photo it will last longer” thing. Kind of makes them think about more than just the heat of the moment!
They could end up in the courthouse or on the news or on youtube or in a blog!
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:57 am
Drivers in Chicago need to get a freakin’ clue. In August, I was almost hit by a guy in a car who was chatting away on his cell phone. In his hand. Despite the hands-free law. And by “almost hit,” I mean “his bumper came in contact with my luggage.”
Dude, I’m 6’3″ and was pulling a huge-ass piece of luggage alongside me. I shouldn’t have been invisible to you.
And the funny thing was, I saw him coming but didn’t rush out of his way, not to be smug, but because my brain said, “Oh, he must see you. He’s going to stop. Holy f***, you’re about to get hit by a car!”
To his credit, he looked horrified. But shit, people. Take an extra second to *see* if there are people in the street where you want to drive. You’re piloting a 4,000-pound weapon.
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:44 am
LOVE the camera phone idea. Wow. What a great idea.
And regarding your cold, *ahem*
Sambucol
(otherwise known as black elderberry syrup)
Take a dose every hour until your nose isn’t running and then gradually taper off.
Kills a cold every time.
Feel better soon and enjoy your cold-free weekend.
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
Love the camera phone idea dude. I can so totally see you doing this. And the visual cracks me up.
And Whoopie needs to get her head out of her ass, it’s rape. And if it was her daughter that it happened to, I think she may change her opinion.
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I too love the camera phone idea. I cannot believe this woman crept closer to all of you. Has she not heard that pedestrians have the right of way.
I just read the grand jury transcript. I cannot believe anyone, after reading this, would have any sympathy for that jerk.
I hope you feel better soon.
October 2nd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Good Job, on being aware of others around you as a mom not enough people are that kind.
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
We go on daily walks with the stroller. It’s amazing how people won’t stop or they’ll rev their engine at me. I’ve dreamed about using the water balloons filled with piss defense. I’ll try the camera.
I’ve been bad about commenting, but I’m always reading!
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Whoopi’s a fuckin’ idiot. Case closed.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
The BBC has asked people to send them pictures of their eyes (or someone’s eye). Here’s the montage, you should send yours.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bbcworldservice/3961819187/sizes/o/in/set-72157622347649197/
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Oh and here’s the link to their story on the project.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I’m an idiot.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/programmes/2009/03/000000_outlook.shtml
October 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
um, What?