Two Assholes Talking.
Last night while out with friends, one suggested a possible date for me. The woman in question is the owner of a successful company here in Chicago. Today, my friend emailed me her company’s blog website which, along with stories about the company, also features pictures and video of said woman.
I shared the url with The Buddy via IM and said, “Potential date.”
Ladies and gentleman, I give you: Two Assholes Talking
Buddy: She looks high maintenance.
RE: Don’t say that. I may think it’s a plus.
Buddy: Something is wrong with you.
RE: I’ll probably go to this event where she’s going to be, check her out. See how she moves.
Buddy: Right. Make sure she doesn’t have a pegleg.
RE: In that video, her top lip doesn’t cover her teeth. It doesn’t move at all. Did she just get Botox?
Buddy: She has Who teeth. Like Dr. Seuss! She’s a Who!
RE: WTF. I need to see a picture of a Who.
*googles and finds picture of a Who*
RE: I’m dying, I’m laughing so hard. What is wrong with us?
Buddy: Dude. We are awesome. I mean, I’m right, right? SHE’S A WHO.
RE: Look, if I see her and somehow decide that I want to touch her snack tray, no making fun of me all next week. Deal?
Buddy: No way.
RE: Look, I gotta get a few free passes while I’m initially single.
Buddy: Fine, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make fun of you.
RE: Dude, FINE.
Buddy: Especially if you touch Who Boobs.
RE: Whoobs.
Buddy: she probably looked like this when she was a kid: http://www.denimology.co.uk/2008/09/taylor-momsen-opera-03.jpg
RE: You know, I said to myself, “Don’t click on that. It’s not going to be good.” And now I can’t stop laughing. WE ARE GOING TO HELL.
Buddy: Who cares?
RE: She could be a perfectly nice woman! A Whoman!
Buddy: She’s a living, breathing Who.
RE: What makes someone look Whoish?
Buddy: Mainly mouth and nose.
RE: But her boobs should be good, right? Her Whoobs?
Buddy: Prolly.
I know. We’re assholes.
It’s amazing how quickly any semblance of sensitivity leaves a person at certain times.
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Whoobs??!!! Are you guys for real?! Again I say, Buddy is kind of an asshole. Makes me wonder what you say about me/us.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Ah, now, you know I adore you. So does that asshole, Buddy. An ungodly amount, actually.
Dude, that’s why I’m the single kid. I am still looking to love someone that much.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
That is the funniest conversation I have read in some time. Whew! You guys are TOO much.
Whoobs…
ha!
September 25th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I did die laughing at the picture of the Who.. I love you guys.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
My husband is going to wonder why I’m smiling while I’m cleaning the oven…thanks for that!
September 25th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Good luck out there in the dating jungle, my jungle friend…………
September 25th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
so glad that I am not alone in the twisted conversations with friends world.
I feel better.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Omg. Laughing so hard.
September 26th, 2009 at 11:58 am
ahhh…this is why we’re friends.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Sometimes, being an asshole is the best method for making it through the day.
September 26th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I………don’t think I know what to say here. It’s that whole part sophistication, part pig thing, isn’t it? Boys…*sigh*.
September 26th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
You can roll play the grinch and slide down her chimney.
September 26th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
LOL @ Danielle!
September 28th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Lmao whoobs, whoman…
September 28th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Men…
September 28th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
The 12 year boy in me automatically jumped to a whohaw joke/