Instigator rolled out of bed to torture me this morning.
I started this morning by putting Egg Beaters in my coffee. It registered as I brought the cup to my lips. I still took a sip. Which should tell you that my judgment at 6 a.m. is questionable.
When I got to the office, I stuck my head in Instigator’s office and said, “Coffee?” She was neck deep in something so I told her I’d run to get it. Have I mentioned that Instigator is my work girlfriend? This is why I know that she drinks a grande iced Americano with extra ice. I went to Starbucks and picked up coffee and breakfast for her. I walked into her office and reached out to hand her coffee…
…and she looked different.
I paused as she was talking and tried to figure it out. She looked nice, which is usual – but something was different. She looked Extra Nice.
I said, “You look nice. Did you get your hair done?”
She looked at me, touched her hair and said, “No…this is the I just rolled out of bed look.”
I opened my mouth to say something and shut it quickly. And then she burst out laughing while I turned red realizing that I’d more or less said she’d look good rolling out of bed.
This is how my day began, folks.
So, Instigator and I had a meeting scheduled for hours today, along with the rest of the legal staff. Wisely, we chose to sit next to each other to eliminate some boredom. Let me tell you how that went.
Goofus v. Galant – Or: Instigator v. Random
- My boss presented me with a certificate for five years of service. Instigator promptly drew stars on it.
- While I reviewed some notes on a brief presentation I’d be giving later, Instigator played a game on her iPhone.
- I jotted down notes and volunteered to do some research on an issue we were hashing out in the meeting. Instigator jotted down a note on the edge of my certificate. It said: “People need to stop asking questions and adding their 2 cents. STFU Y’ALL.”
- Over our lunch break, I began doing some research before returning to my seat with some print-outs. Instigator returned to her seat, too. With a sandwich. 10 minutes after we’d resumed the meeting.
- I took notes. Instigator munched on her sandwich and nodded toward my certificate and whispered, “You can still frame that. Just cover up my notes with the matting.”
And that, my friends, was my Tuesday.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
You failed to mention that the reason I felt free to adorn your certificate, is the company we work for is sooooo classy, that for 5 years of service, you get a certificate your boss prints out on our 20 year old printer. Not a color printer – so though the certificate has colors, it is printed in b&w on plain copy paper. Not framed, not color, not special paper. You should be thanking me for those stars!! Cause it improved the quality of your certificate. Plus, I think you are a star
And a gem 
September 15th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
*Laugh* I thought it was funnier to think of you marring a beautiful certificate.
A beautiful certificate that is in my recycling basket.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
My face is still scrunched like a pickle with the thought of you tasting the egg beater coffee.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
@debra – That made me laugh out loud. I did more than scrunch. I shuddered.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Wow, what a day. Hopeful the tables turn every once in a while and you get to pick on instigator. I can’t imagine drinking that coffee.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
@Bobbi Janay – I can’t pick on a girl!
September 15th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Right, I believe that.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Wow. I can’t tell if your day is more exciting or less than mine. What with me spending it with a near-3-year-old and you spending it with Instigator…
September 15th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
So does the hot coffee scramble the egg beaters? I need more information for the full effect.
September 16th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Egg beaters in the coffee = EWGROSSOMGNASTY
Everything else = Heh. *Someone* has to keep you in check during the day otherwise Besos would have to start over again every evening. It’d be like Sisyphus and that damn rock. Every. Single. Day.
September 16th, 2009 at 5:16 am
One day, in an early morning desperate mommy who had been up half the night nursing a baby manoevre, I realized I had no cream for my coffee. I grabbed the next closest thing that I had in my fridge – vanilla yogurt. Let’s just say it did NOT go well.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:13 am
@Amira – It’s probably a toss up.
@Susan – It did a little bit – there were egg bits floating around.
@Phoe – hey! I like to think that the boulder only rolls about 99% of the way down each time.
@MommaSunshine – Ack, yeah….
September 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am
You know it’s gonna be a bad day when your coffee gets messed up.
However, sounds like you should be thanking Instigator for making your work day a little more fun! And I agree with her ‘improvements’ on the otherwise pathetic certificate.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I’m sorry, but that whole post made me laugh! The coffee dressed in egg I could definately do without, bleck!
Can I just say, reading your blog gives me a whole new opinion of folks who carry your title.
You should of framed the certificate…just to make a point. You could of even had Instigator sign it.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:14 am
@mindymom – Instigator *does* indeed make the work day more fun. If she didn’t, I’d have to dump her as my work girlfriend.
@Marja – *laugh* Happy to be reshaping your idea of an attorney, I suppose. And…I clicked to go to your blog and it said it didn’t exist. I checked the address…and, you know…you typed “mybusty” instead of “mybusy”. heh.
September 18th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
And there you have it. The results of leading the life I lead!