Random Esquire

I see a sea turtle.  And a duck.

Click to Enlarge. What do you see?

No,

I do not want to read your pamphlets about Jews for Jesus

and

No,

I do not have a moment to talk about the environment.

1. QTMama wrote a poem about me.  I dig it.

2.  The other day, I said to Besos, “You’re not very…” and then I paused because I meant to say, “stereotypically Mexican” but what actually came out of my mouth was, “Mexicany.”

She sat back and looked at me.  “In what way?”

And I said, “Well… I don’t mean it like ..you don’t drive a truck with a refrigerator in the back. I mean it like…” and that is when I realized that what I should have said was, “I don’t know.”

3.  Boss has begun a new school year.  She said her favorite little boy came into the classroom last week and said, “Whew! It’s hotter than fuck out there!”

*Blink*

Ayup.  Other things heard in her classroom:  “Girl, you need to stop showing your panties!” and “He said he doesn’t want to be my friend because I act like a girl and that I’m gay.”

Welcome to kindergarten in the Chicago Public School system.

4.  I bribed Besos over the other evening by promising to give her ice cream.  I had to go to the store to get some because I don’t eat ice cream.  I like ice cream; I just never think to eat it.  But now I own a pint of mint chip minus one Besos portion.  I figure there’s enough in there to get me lucky at least two more times.

Today is going to be one of those days.

1.  Some people are such meddlers.  It’s still gossip, folks, even if it is true.

2.  Do you hold your phone to your right or left ear?  Does it matter if you are right or left handed?  I’m right handed and hold the phone to my left ear with my left hand.

3.  I may be on a kick of expressing myself purely with Peanuts captions.

QTMama and I decided to write poems about each other.  So, without further ado, I offer you:

The QT

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over my dog – Little Filthy’s – loud, obnoxious snore,
While I nodded, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping
that thrust me up, nearly leaping, sending my phone down upon the floor.
“It is just QT,” I muttered softly, “texting me some more -
Oh, That woman…she’s quite a chore.”

Grabbing for my Blackberry, I read about a night so scary
Of QT’s dates – the men are always such a bore.
Tiredly, I read her typing and then wished that we were skyping
Her typos causing me some griping, if only she would score!
“You must be drunk,” I messaged back, “did you drink the liquor store?”
“Just three martinis…maybe more.”

(more…)

Dr. Nancy Snyderman was interviewed by Ann Curry on the Today Show this morning.  Topic: Swine Flu.  While discussing ways to prevent the spread of the virus, Ann Curry asked the doctor to explain what things children should not share with each other.  Dr. Snyderman said, “Primarily, things like cups, toothbrushes…”

And then Ann Curry helpfully adds, “…Cookies.”

For real, Ann?  That’s your contribution?  Cookies?  For some reason, I laughed out loud at this.

Instigator does not like Dr. Snyderman.  And, as we know, she’s not a big fan of Ann, either.

Besos and I sat by the river, watching the boats go by.

1.  Besos and I went to a French restaurant along Michigan avenue on Saturday night.  Shortly after we’d been seated, she said, “I am glad that you are sitting on that side and that I am sitting on this side.”  I asked why and she said softly, “Because the woman who just sat down behind you, facing me, is wearing a bra that does this, ” and she made an upward motion with her hands, “and this,” and she made a, er…pressing together motion.  She said, “I’m distracted.”

I casually glanced behind me as if to look for our server.  Not only was her bra working a double shift, her top apparently decided to take half the day off.  I grinned and turned back to Besos.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

2.  Little Filthy and I are spending too much time together.   I concluded this when I noticed something today.  As you may know, Little Filthy is box trained so, while he goes outside regularly, he is also trained like a cat and can opt for his box.  We were seated on the couch together this morning when I got up to use the restroom.  He got up as well and went to his box.  And we met back on the couch.

I looked at him and he looked back at me.  And that’s when I decided that we’d been spending too much time together.

After being out the last few nights, I decided that I needed a quiet evening at home.  Plus, some cleaning was in order.  The first thing to get cleaned?  You guessed it.

He’s upset.  Friday is his poker night.

It’s very exciting over here at the Random house tonight.