Besos. And rings.
Besos and I had a bit of a double-date weekend as my high-school buddy was in town, girlfriend along with. We had an interesting conversation about rings that has left me thinking about my relationship with Besos.
Besos likes to remind me that I made her miserable for the first year of our relationship. Well, I’m flattering myself to think I don’t still make her relatively miserable. But, in particular, I think the worst was the first four months when I refused to date anyone exclusively. She handled it well. She managed to often retain a level of relative patience while I insisted on my alone time and autonomy, said incredibly stupid things, and tried to learn Spanish.
And then, at some point last winter, I decided… Mine. I know this sounds piggish. I didn’t mean to go all apelike but there you have it. Some part of me wanted to stick a flag in her and declare her part of RandomEsq-land. Instead, we went out on a date, walked along Michigan avenue in the snow, wandered into a jewelry store and when she indicated that she liked a ring, I bought it on the spot.
And I’m not going to lie. The ring was sort of like my flag. I wanted it visible from a distance and I wanted it to say, “you no can have.”
During our double-date on Saturday night, the topic of rings came up and I said that a ring says “Bought and paid for.” This brought up a round of protests from the table. We discussed engagement rings and I declared myself a traditionalist who was going to get an engagement ring so big that it not only said bought and paid for but also “and you can’t afford her.” This is really just me being an asshole. I know this.
Following dinner, Besos and I went back to my loft and made love. And afterwards, both staring up at the ceiling, I heard her whisper, “I don’t want anyone but you to ever touch me.”
I sat up on one elbow and said, “What did you say?”
She looked at me and said, “I don’t want anyone but you to ever touch me.”
And you know what?
It was better than a ring.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
August 25th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
*sigh*
You are one very lucky man.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
* Wow * That is…beautiful. And such a better ending than I was expecting to this post. You DO have a keeper, RE. (Read: don’t screw it up.)
August 25th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
@Debra – I smile every time I see a comment from you. You are kind.
@Amira – Ah, this makes me curious about what kind of ending you were expecting?
-R.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I don’t know. But you went from bragging and staking your territory and being an asshole to *BOOM* beautiful and wow. Nicely done, RE. Nicely done.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
abre los ojos.
Besos is IT.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I still hope that you bought her the ring though………….. Other men do need to know she’s off limits before even walking up to her and talking to her.
Why were you so adamant about dating others ? Why couldn’t you be monogamous for four months ?
August 25th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
@Amira – You’re kind; thank you, Amira.
@CMC – abre los ojos. I know ojos are eyes. Does this mean…eye opening? Do I have that correct?
@Sandra – Yes, she does have a ring from me.
I was not adamant about dating others. I was adamant about not dating just one person. I had just gone through a break up of a 4 year relationship about 8 months prior to meeting Besos. I did not want to commit to anyone for any reason at that time.
I was monogamous for those four months. I may be wishy-washy sometimes… but I am not an asshole. Nor able to split myself apart quite so easily. The sum of my response is that it is not so much that I was determined to be in more than one place at a time…as much as I wanted to be sure that I was where I wanted to be.
I appreciate that you ask questions and do not take everything on face value.
-R.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
So, does this mean that at some point last winter you got engaged???
Or was that just the starter/promise ring?
The real engagement ring is in the works?
I’m kinda confused…
But Congratulations either way. Very exciting stuffs and all that yazz.
“Abre Los Ojos” (Open your eyes)- spanish film. Besos probably knows it. She kinda very much reminds me of Sophia actually…
August 25th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
@CMC – I’m fairly convinced that you live to bust my balls.
No, we are not engaged. The ring was …well, I don’t know – a ring.
Ahh, hmm, that movie sounds familiar…I will ask Besos about it.
-R.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:13 am
Haha you’re funny the way you figure things out.
I have to say, the last part of the post is so touching
August 26th, 2009 at 8:36 am
I’d probably melt if a man said that to me. Or better yet if he said, “I never want to touch another woman but you.”
*sigh*
August 26th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Okay, I like this story. See, rings are just … rings. But also, this sort of made me gag.
August 26th, 2009 at 9:12 am
You just made me LOVE you! Goose bumps and all. Even when you are admiting that you sometimes do something from an asshole perspective, you still “get it”. And Beso, her comment is amazingly perfect.
You two are truly lucky in love.
August 26th, 2009 at 9:36 am
My ex-husband very much felt the way you do about rings. I didn’t think it made him an asshole. I wanted him to stake his territory. I wanted to be his.
I think the whole post is beautiful. I like seeing the softer side of RE.
You can be totally *swoonworthy* at times, you know.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:00 am
I just have to say, whomever The Buddy is? LOVE THAT PERSON! *Laugh*
Also, I said it earlier. This is some post you have here, RE. You can be quite the charming asshole when you wanna be.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am
that’s nice and I like rings, buddy. You’re kind of an ass, perhaps you could learn something.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:20 am
@MindyMom – Not saying that men are incapable of being monogamous (certainly they are), but I have to believe they are incapable of THINKING monogamous thoughts such as “I never want to touch another woman but you.” I honestly don’t think any male on earth would ever think such a thought about any woman – ever. Ahhhh, but we can dream, can’t we?
August 26th, 2009 at 11:23 am
This one made me cry. I love love.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I dunno CMC, you’ve never slept with me. Lol.
Serioulsy, I think men CAN be monogomous if they wan to be and see the value in it. Some just don’t get that the grass is not greener w/someone else, it’s just different grass and it needs the same care and attention as the other grass did.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@MindyMom
lol – I love how we’re using RE’s blog to get way off-topic.
Yes – I agree! Men can be monogamous – and many if not most actually are! But what I’m inarticulately trying to say is that no man THINKS monogamously. Men are hard-wired to always fantasize or think about sharing their “love” with as many women as possible – always. Rather, no man exclusively only fantasizes about the SAME woman. I think it is a scientific fact or something.
Which is why RE should stake his claim to Besos with a Texas-sized diamond ASAP, because lord only knows how many other men out there are fantasizing about banging her this very moment…. not that a ring would but a damper on anyone’s hot fantasies ;-p
But… it would be well to see RE take a photo of besos’ diamond-clad hand, I mean, IF the blaze from the diamond doesn’t totally obfuscate the whole damn pic…
August 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@Kez – I normally stumble upon answers, rather than find them. Luck FTW!
@MindyMom – when I first read your comment, I tried to imagine a man saying what Besos said and it just made me want to hit him. I suspect this means I’ve already regressed back to ape.
@The Buddy – Dude. I’m going to frecklepunch you.
@Danielle – Ah, that is a nice comment; thank you, Danielle.
@T – Swoon away, my dear; We are safe swooning material for each other!
@QT – The Buddy is my buddy from the weekend…and you two must never meet unless the world be swallowed up in a black hole of sarcasm.
@The Buddy’s Girlfriend – heh. RIGHT ON. You tell that a-hole how it is.
@CMC – Hmm. I’m going to watch this discussion from the sidelines.
@heatherella – Heather! It is so nice to hear from you. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been and wondering how puggy Greta is doing. And puggy Carey.
Oh, and by the way – please remove the six small bars of soap. I brought my own small bar of Dial.
@MindyMom – “I dunno CMC, you’ve never slept with me.” That made me laugh out loud.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Mindy- In CMC’s case, her grass is definitely not greener. And it would make a great post if you two decided to sleep together.
Me so funny!
August 26th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
@Danielle – ROFLMAO!
In CMC’s case, the grass is not greener – just nonexistent!
Mindy’s a redhead, correct? CMC likey likey redheads!
August 26th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
First of all, did someone say “grass”?
Ahem.
@Mindy & @CMC
First of all, if you do sleep together, invite me to watch, I mean, join.
Second of all, I have to agree with CMC. I think it is scientific fact that men will continue to fantasize about other women. They are hard-wired to want to spread their seed.
Now, we’re talking fantasy here. Some men can’t stop their little minds from ruling their brains.
I’ve come to realize than men absolutely can be monogamous though. And may actually, from their hearts, feel the ““I never want to touch another woman but you” feeling.
I didn’t believe that before and I wrote about it here. But since Rascal is opening my mind to what a real man is like, then yes, I believe it is possible.
I also know for a fact that he still fantasizes. He actually shares those fantasies with me. Mostly because, I enjoy them too.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@Sweet T –
I may not have more than 3 piddly blades of grass to my name, but….
I’m in love with you. Care to meet me on the lawn? <3
August 26th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Okay people, dry your panties. Just to be clear; that was not an invitation to CMC.
Just sayin’ it’s not that far of a stretch for a man to think that about a woman.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
All right, all right, before you all go exchanging hotel keys…
I agree with T that men are capable of this sincere feeling. Thank you for chiming in, T.
-R.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
OKAY.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
This, wonderful and VERY ODD sentimental post by my Cookie is getting HIJACKED! It’s a rare thing, this post, so I’m here to say, knock it off!
Come to my blog and do it there ladies! Sheesh.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@CMC
Um… we are talking about your lawn right? Because I have 3 piddly little blades of grass too.
*ahem*
Let’s me, you and Mindy go play on QT’s lawn!
@QTMama
*backing away slowly*
@RE
Mwah!
August 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
[...] Besos. And Rings. [...]
August 26th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
QT has started an entry to continue the conversation HERE.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
meh. asshole, shasshole. you’re neither. you’re f*cking awesome & i will beat the shit out of anyone who says otherwise.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Im so glad to have read that post. My boyfriend made me suffer for 5 months, he wanted “options” he said he didnt necessarily want to exercise those options but he wanted to have them. I think he was monogamous during that time also but the thought of them being forbidden was too much for him and now…………Im moving in with him! Patience really is a virtue. I love your love story!
August 26th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
RE,
I couldn’t seem to get your words out of my head today about your ring theory and then the light bulb finally went on. You see, my fella gave me the “bigger than big” ring (38 years ago) when the only ring I mentioned liking at the time was a very simple gold band. Needless to say, I was very surprised by it but didn’t mention anything to him because I didn’t want to hurt his feeling because it truely is a beautiful ring. Now, after all these years you’ve made it clear what he was doing. Now…I like my ring even more. Thank you!
August 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Yeesh. I can’t believe I’m hopping in on the girl-on-girl action a little too late to get me some of that, too. ‘Cuz you know I wanna. heh.
August 26th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Aww, that’s precious
August 26th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
@lily – You made me grin. Looking forward to meeting you in Settle next month.
@Anon – You’re very kind! Thank you for your comment. I’m thankful for the patience Besos has shown so far.
@debra – I just read your comment to Besos and we both smiled. Your comments mean a lot to me.
@MommaSunshine – good Lord, you ladies are wild.
@Chivahn – heh. Hey, am I going to get to meet you in Seattle next month?
August 26th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
How sweet she must really love you and all you sass (that right I said sass even though you are a guy, now what snarky comeback did you think of.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I would imagine so. I’m not planning on going anywhere