Random Esquire

1.  I often see this particular dude on my walk to the office.  The reason I remember him is because his head is too small.  It’s not obviously too small.  It’s a subtle smallness.  Like, his noggin is in the 35th percentile for people of his height and for some reason, I’ve noticed it.

2.  My midlife crisis might be upon me.  Probably not.  But today, I found myself suddenly regretful that I’d never surfed inside a large wave.  It might have been because I was watching cartoons and everyone in it was surfing.

3.  I bought a new laptop bag from Briggs & Riley.  It smells like a new car to me.  I like it.  I wonder if that makes me a little bit of a douchey-attorney.

4.  At the gym this morning, I found myself looking around and wondering just how much sweat was in the carpet and how often it’s cleaned.

5.  My neighbor punched me today.  In the arm, mind you.  I ran into her at the park and Little Filthy was running around, playing with her dog.  You…may have noticed that Little Filthy is slightly wall-eyed.  He’s part pug.  They always seem to have some sort of Peter Falk wandering eye thing going on.  Little Filthy ran up to me and I said, “What’s up, Mad Eye Moody?”  And she socked me in the arm and yelled, “Hey!”  This is probably because while Little Filthy is slightly wall-eyed, her pug looks a little like the sides of his face are running away from each other.