Random Esquire

I stepped out on to my patio today to find my neighbor out on her patio.  We exchanged hellos and then she told me about *cough* a large number of almonds she has found in her plants.  She went so far as to mimic squirrel wife digging in the dirt and dropping in an almond.  She said, “And she doesn’t replace the dirt.  It’s just holes filled with almonds!”

I resisted the urge to tell my neighbor that if she’d replaced the dirt, then she’d be planting almonds and that is just absurd.

She said, “We had a showdown the other day, me and her.  We stared at each other.”

I grinned sheepishly.  And then she said this:

“But as soon as I saw those almonds, I knew you must have a plan.  You must have a plan to feed them so they get comfortable and then you can poison them.”

*Blink*

I looked up, mouth partly open and she was beaming at me.

She said, “I asked our maintenance guy for some poison and so when he gives it to me, I’ll give it to you to mix with the almonds.”

I said, “uhhhh….”

So, either the squirrels days or numbered…or I’m gonna have to put out some Cap’n Crunch or some shit to make it look like I’m a clever bastard dead set on killing squirrels.

Dude, I’ve killed fish and lobster.  In fact, somehow, killing things that normally live in the water doesn’t seem to count as much.  But I’ve never killed anything with fur.

whamaygunnado??