People who lose their temper or control. Do you know anyone like this?
Today, on my walk home from work, I saw a pedestrian kick the side of a car that had run the light late, crossing the intersection after the light had turned red and the pedestrians had begun to cross. The driver burst out of the car and a screaming fit ensued. I rolled my eyes.
Losing your temper is just one form of letting your emotional reaction to a situation dictate your behavior. I have a real problem with this. I am not a stoic. I have strong reactions and feelings to situations but I do my best not to let that emotion become the fuel to inappropriate behavior. As I get older, I am realizing that I have less and less patience for this behavior.
I have little to no patience for someone who behaves in disrespectful, inappropriate ways because his or her feelings are so strong at that moment, they just can’t seem to control themselves. It makes me think of an anguished teenager and I am sometimes surprised to see it so prevalent in adults. And, like a teenager, I think it stems from a form of self-centeredness. The belief that there is only one way to view something and that another person’s view or feelings simply do not matter as much as their own.
As I watched the screaming fit in the street, I could understand why the pedestrian was upset. Sometimes, I find myself so eager to get home that dodging tourists and slow movers annoys me a bit. And certainly, a car in the middle of the intersection is a slow down as well as a possible danger. But there was a bus in front of the driver and it is very possible the driver followed so closely that he did not see the light change and found himself unintentionally in the intersection and forced to move forward to avoid cross traffic. And, at that time, to have someone kick your car? I’d be ticked off, too. But the pedestrian only saw one thing. The injury to himself. And he felt so offended, he felt justified in kicking this person’s car.
This is nuts, no? This loss of temper? And losing one’s temper is easily identifiable because it is usually coupled with yelling or violence. But I think it is just one form of a larger issue – the belief that one’s feelings (be they anger, grief, love, etc.) justify that their emotional needs be met at the expense or neglect of another’s.
Sometimes a feeling is just a feeling and not necessarily the way things are.
Tell me about your experience with this?
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Awesome post!
I agree with you. I think it’s an immature knee jerk reaction really.
I see behaviour like that and I get really irritated with the way people throw their emotional weight around. I love when guys think it’s macho but all I see is patheticness (did I make that word up)!
I think people get out of control emotionally so they can dump their bad day on someone else. I’ll bet you that pedestrian was really taking his anger for another situation out on that car.
It is a really self centred approach to life. Yuck.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Kez – I am glad that this made sense and that you understood so well what I was saying. The phrase “throw their emotional weight around” is a very good one.
-R.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I’ve seen this one happen a few times. Just the other day a bus crossing the street got stuck on the crosswalk and a pedestrian literally starting pounding on the side of the bus until it moved. That’s right. His lazy ass refused to walk around.
Now, if he had done that to my car… I literally might have had to give him an atomic noogie
I’ve seen it at work too. It’s terrible and hard to watch. Sometimes the beat thing to do is walk away. Even though it’s hard to do.
July 1st, 2009 at 4:44 am
My experience with this?
My ex.
Not so much the outbursts of anger but when something contradicted his selfish view of the world, he was resentful and sullen.
Boy was that fun.
You’re right – outbursts like that come from a place of extreme self-centeredness. And no wonder. Many parents are treating their children as if they are the most special, wonderful creatures EVER – which they are. However, they are not teaching their children that other people’s children are also the most special, wonderful creatures ever and should be treated with respect. We’ve shifted from ‘What can I do for you?’ to ‘What can you do for me?’
July 1st, 2009 at 6:27 am
@lynchseattle I remember you mentioned that bus incident! I see a pedestrian-driver smackdown about once every 6 weeks or so and it often involves a bus.
I strive to do the walk away thing. Most of the time, my perspective changes for the better even after a few minutes. Angry people BOO!
July 1st, 2009 at 6:30 am
@KT – Very teenager like, right? And I’m glad you also see the connection to self-centeredness. I have a friend who thinks she should be treated like a princess on her birthday because her parents always did. I sometimes wonder how these people survive in the world which must seem SO CRUEL to them.
*eyeroll*
-R.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I wrote about this a few weeks ago on my blog: http://tsquest.blogspot.com/2009/06/perspective.html
I had a woman lose it with me over something so small. But you are right. It is all a matter of perspective. To some people, they can’t get out of their own perspectives to even attempt to see someone else’s.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Wow, didn’t they learn in school or from there parents that is not acceptable behavior.
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:11 am
Sometimes I read your blog and learn a shitload RE. I heart you for that.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Sometimes it can be a chemical imbalance, the effects of alcohol/drugs on one’s family. Which leads to not being selfishness or self centered. Just my opinion and I can respect yours.
July 4th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Do I know someone like this? Heck yeah! It used to be me. I’d get into fights in school if somebody even looked funny at me. I was a teenager, but it was still inappropriate and disgustingly selfish behavior.
I learned it from my mom, who is in her fifties and still exhibits that behavior. It was really bad when I was younger though, she would throw a tantrum if she got home and there was a dish in the sink or something out of place, or sometimes if she just felt like it. We were always on eggshells around her.
One time she threw a fit because she and her boyfriend were fighting, and she blamed myself and my siblings for her relationship woes. She trashed half of the house and then threatened to kill herself. I was 12, my sister was 10, and my two brothers were under the age of 8. Real fun times.
It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that adults aren’t supposed to act like that, and I decided to stop my retarded behavior too. I still slip up from time to time, but mostly, I just hold it until I can get somewhere and calm down. Sometimes, if I just analyze the situation logically, I can see that what I am getting pissed about is really just stupid and getting angry just makes me look foolish.