Patio pissing match. Because I do not have a lawn.
My neighbors’ patios are becoming flower be-speckled. In fact, if you look down the row of patios, it is flowers, flowers, flowers.
Until you get to mine. I’ve got a grill.
Last summer, I planted some herbs. Admittedly, this was so that I would have fresh mint on hand for drinks because I was having a fair number of dinner gatherings and mohitos were the name of the game. My female neighbor took pity on my patio and I came home from work one day to find a potted plant with flowers in it sitting outside my door. Then my patio had herbs and one flower pot.
This past weekend, however, my male neighbor and I both found ourselves out on our respective patios and we discussed the sad state of affairs. He has a grill, too. Anyway, to make a long story short… we decided to clean up our act. And in less than 30 seconds, it was clear that we were going to have a good, old fashioned…patio pissing match.
The next morning, I went to Home Depot. Okay, do you know how many different kinds of flowers there are? Average woman’s answer: “Well, there are petunias, marigolds, …” I’d continue that statement but I can’t think of any other flower names to put in there. Here’s what I thought to myself, “There are purple ones, yellow ones, pink ones…”
I loaded up the cart. I got dirt first. Then some pots. Then I decided to get a jalapeno plant. And a grape tomato plant. And some herbs. And then I looked at flowers. I just grabbed some colors.
Back home, I spent an hour on the patio reading instructions on how to repot plants. A few hours after that, I was done and pretty pleased with myself. I was a mess. I had a leftover 25 pound bag of dirt. (No clue what I was thinking there.) But my patio had some color. I swept the patio and congratulated myself on a job well done. Within seconds, I became anal retentive and noticed dirt on the outside of the flower pots. I wiped it off. Then I saw dirt on the leaves of the plants which probably got there when I dumped dirt on them to fill in gaps in the pots.
I had a brilliant idea. I ran inside and returned moments later to find my female neighbor out on her porch. She was staring at my patio. She smiled broadly at me and said that my patio looked great. The smile, however, faded from her face within seconds…
…when she saw me use a can of compressed air to blow the dirt off the flower leaves.
I give it a week before everything is dead.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:04 am
I’d like to read your neighbors’ blogs.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Oh honey, you are so cute when you are being domestic *smirk*…
May 19th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Nice! The compressed-air punch line made me laugh out loud! Lemme be all female on you, though, and ask the exposure of your balcony. Because if it’s north or east, you won’t have to take the blame for your plants dying.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:40 am
OMG!!! That last line made me laugh out loud!! HA!!!
Compressed air? You are freakin’ hilarious.
I’m with you on the mint for mojitos. Its a MUST. Grape tomatoes… yummy… Ya gotta get basil too. And a rosemary plant is also a requirement.
But you actually read for an hour how to repot them?
OK, that I’d just have to see.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
oh RE, you are a treasure
May 19th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
A can of compressed air. That is the best idea EVER!! I hate it when my plant dirt is anywhere besides it’s designated place -inside- the pot. YOU ARE A GENIUS!!
May 19th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Haha, that’s awesome! I tried to have plants in my little garden-ey area outside my back door, but the maintenance douches at my apartment complex killed everything by smooshing it with a hose (I live on the corner, so the hose faucet for the building is outside) and they decided to start parking the lawnmower there.
My grampa is an award winning orchid gardener, I should have plants, damnit! I’d have houseplants, but my cats would eat them. Roommate is growing herbs in the kitchen, but they’re not faring too well.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
@KT – That made me laugh out loud. I don’t know if I’d want to read that.
@Besos – heh. Thenkew.
@Beth – South. SOUTH. I have no excuse!
@T – We see eye to eye on all of that except rosemary. I’m not a huge rosemary fan, for some reason. And yeah, I had to read how to repot them cause some were in these peat pot things that you had to peel away but not destroy all the roots. I don’t have a green thumb. heh.
@janet reno / The Ballerina – xoxo
@susan – THANK YOU! Right?! I thought it was brilliant, too!
@Chivahn – Smooshing it with a hose? boo! My mother loves orchids. They seem like the original sophisticated flower.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:51 am
You had a can of compressed air? I love you even MORE now!