Random Esquire

My sister is an interesting mix of prim/proper and back alley craps game.   She balances between flying on the corporate jet and then telling me that she’s going to show her kids the movie Mystic River so that they never run away.    She’s extremely ethical and always tries to do the right thing.  Except for that Black Market Baptism (which happened).  She doesn’t swears or says a harsh word calls people charming names like coo-coo bean and quirky bird.  But she will say that her kid can smell weakness in a nanny like a wolf smells sheep.

She was prim/proper sister when she called me to tell me the following story.  My niece (who is almost 3), was digging around in my sister’s purse.  She pulled something out, held it up and said to my sister, “What is this?”

My sister looked at it and said, “Put that away, my love.” (She calls her kids ‘my love’ a lot.)

Niece: “Can I open it? What is it?”

My sister then relayed to me that it was, and I quote, “a certain feminine product.”  I like that she compared her kid giving up diapers to pulling someone from a line of coke but doesn’t want to say the word ‘tampon’.

She said, “That’s something just for mommies.”

My niece, knowing that my sister wears contact lenses and that daddy does not, said, “Ohh.  Are these contact lenses?”

My sister gave in and said, “Yes.”

My niece said, “Ohh.  Do you want me to open it and put it in your eye?”

My sister said, “No.”

I can’t wait to see this backfire on my sister.