Random Esquire

Little Filthy saw his mother last night.  Boss and I went to dinner; it was the first time I’d seen her in months.  One thing hadn’t changed.  She still gets the menu without prices and slides the bill to me when it arrives.

Afterwards, she came inside and I reminded Little Filthy that she was his deadbeat mother.  He, in true kid fashion, did not care and simply rejoiced at seeing her.  He showed her all of his new toys.

More after the cut.

She casually mentioned that she had not met Besos yet.  I eyeballed her.  Now, I’ve met the person she is dating.  And hate is not a strong enough word.  The relationship is so completely without any respect for one another.  In fact, a large part of our recent distance had to do with my general intolerance for her relationship and the realization that I could no longer be the person to whom she reached to for support.  Plus, I suppose it didn’t help that I could not help uttering comments between gritted teeth which is really rather ridiculous of me and, I suppose, rather tiresome to her.  (This reminds me of another someone Boss dated after we split – who I nicknamed Therapist due to a complete inability to understand the meaning of the word ‘no’.  Boss, despite herself, was thoroughly amused at this nickname.)

I fully admit now that my gritted teeth comments were from the most atavistic part of me.  The part of me that wanted to compete against someone for a prize I did not even want.  I think it’s just human nature.  For instance, I once mocked a tube of chapstick she’d been given and she defended it by saying that it was a very thoughtful gift because it was banana flavored and she liked bananas.  We later briefly discussed the diamond ring she would have received were it not for our break-up.  I kindly suggested that perhaps her current, smaller-incomed beau would buy her a nice diamond chip and she could show it to all of her girlfriends and say, “Look at my thoughtful diamond.”  I followed this up by saying, “Because that is what all girls dream about…a thoughtful diamond.”

I realize that all of this was ridiculous but she laughed because if there is one thing that Boss enjoys…it is being spoiled and she knows it. Plus, in general, assholery can be sort of funny when it is more imagined than substantive.

But now, months and months after those conversations, as we sat on the couch last night and talked, I was happy to not care enough to grit my teeth.  Not care enough to make comments or feel I should protect her.  That was nice.  Until she grabbed Little Filthy’s toys and played with him until he shot around the condo like a pug out of hell and began to bounce off the walls – all of this promptly before she left.  I told her that was she less a mother to him and more a grandparent who hops the grandkid up on sugar and playtime and then leaves the parents with a hyper kid while she goes home.

After she left, I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes.  I felt Little Filthy jump on the bed and then felt him lick my nose and cheek.  I woke up this morning to find his nose about two inches from mine, a split second before he jumped straight up and landed on top of me, demanding breakfast.  Another day in the life.  I dig it.