Random Esquire

1.  Last night, I tasted sushi made by reality TV folks:  Road Rules, Survivor, Shear Genius, Project Runway, and the Bachelorette.  I’m not going to lie to you.  None of it was all that good.  I left one on my plate that looked a bit as though the roll from which it’d been cut had been shot through one of those tubes at the bank drive-up.  The girl who won?  She was Playmate of the Month a few years ago.

It wasn’t a blind tasting, folks.

Amen.

2.  Besos reminded me today that I woke her up last night because she’d been gently snoring.  I grinned and said, “Ohhh yeah!”  I had forgotten about it.  She said, “Although, I find it funny that you grabbed my butt to wake me.”

I didn’t remember that, either, but congratulated my subconscious on its ability to take matters into its own hands.

3.  Speaking of Besos, she spent some time the other day explaining to me why Mexican women make good wives.  She was not petitioning me, mind you, but rather explaining the cultural differences between Mexican women and American women (not that American women make bad wives but you get my point).  While she is an American, Besos grew up in Mexico and she was careful to point that she is not a Chicana but, rather, a Mexican woman.  She ended by saying, “We stand by our man!”

I, naturally, and despite my dislike for country music, got excited to introduce her to something truly American and so I asked her if she’d ever heard that song.  She said no.  So I crooned, “Stttannnndd byyy yoouuurrrr maaaannnnn…and show the world you love him!” in my best Tammy Wynette.

I won’t lie.  She looked horrified.

4.  Besos told me that Little Filthy is basically me but in dog form.   I squinted.  She said, “You know…He doesn’t hide his feelings,…it’s like you…no smoke and mirrors.”  At this point, he was crawling all over her and sticking his cold nose in her ear and chomping on her hair as she lay in bed.  I said, “We could probably both use a little smoke and mirrors.”

She expanded her point to add that he misbehaves and is rotten but you can’t help but love him and he asks for affection and company whenever he wants it and…he humps things if he thinks they’ll be taken away.

I’m not entirely sure where the flattery ended and the insult began but it’s in there.  Somewhere.