Dead grapes, bacon and cheese, and Little Fithy Time.
1. My niece saw raisins for the first time last week. She picked up the bowl and took it to my sister and said, “These grapes are dead.”
My sister called me two nights ago. I answered the phone and heard my niece say, “Hello!” My sister said, in the background, “Tell Random what you did today.” Niece said, “I got a haircut.” I said, “Oh! That’s great. Getting a haircut is great!” My sister said, “Tell Random who cut your hair.”
She said, “I did.”
I burst out laughing. I said, “Ohhh, that’s just for grownups. Only grownups cut hair. You’re not going to do that again, are you?”
She paused and said, “I don’t know. I might.”
God, I love how honest kids are.
2. I had bacon in my fridge so I decided to make breakfast for dinner last night. Except I didn’t want eggs. Then it hit me…I had tomato and some Boston lettuce. BLT! I’m a dry sandwich eater. No mayo or mustard or whatever. But on a BLT? You need mayo. I found a squeeze bottle of Hellman’s that had about one tablespoon used out of the entire thing. Anddddd it expired 8 months ago. Then I found some Miracle Whip. Guess what? November 5, 2008! TWO MORE DAYS!
And it occurs to me…BLTs are the only sandwich on which I’m not tempted to slap on a slice of cheese. I wonder why that is? That made me think of hamburgers and how I really don’t understand the point unless it has a slice of cheese on it. I’ve never had cheese on a slice of apple pie. Who the hell came up with that one? Though, now that I think about it, I do normally have slices of apples or pears to serve along with bread and cheese when drinking wine. Still, cheese on apple pie seems odd to me.
3. You know who isn’t impressed with this Standard Time? Little Filthy. He began protesting at 3 o’clock yesterday. By 4:30, he was still demonstrating so I gave in and fed him. He’s in for a harsh reality today when I get home after 5. Of course, he’s going to watch the polls all day so he may not notice.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
November 4th, 2008 at 9:56 am
1. Cole never cut his hair but he did put a razor in his mouth one time. I think he thought it was a toothbrush. Ugh! He bled like crazy but I grabbed a popsicle and it stopped the bleeding and took his mind off of it.
2. I used to be a dry sandwich person, but now I love lots of “goop.” Miracle Whip is of the devil. Throw that shite out!
3. As I twittered yesterday, my dogs are doing the same early dinner dance. They start getting really aggressive around 5pm. I’m trying to get them to wait until 6, they’re normal time, but they’re not having it!
I’ll be watching the polls right along with LF
Kala said she wants Obama to be king.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I was going through RE withdrawal. Thanks for the nice long post.
1. Love it! How old is your niece? She sounds awesome. And related to you. Dead grapes. Heh.
2. Yeah, I don’t get the cheese on apple pie thing. I will eat cheese with apples (and wine–good call), but not on pie. It’s the whole cheese-does-not-go-with-sugar thing. It seems odd to you because it IS odd. You say you ‘found’ the mayo and Miracle Whip…like your refrigerator is some cavernous place that requires a polar expedition…ooh, do you have one of these? http://www.vikingrange.com/consumer/products/category_microcategory.jsp?id=cat30110 Because if you do, I’m moving in.
3. Hence the necessary move to Hawaii. They don’t observe Daylight Savings Time. The solution to your problem may be an automatic feeder. I got one for Sushi, and it was the best $46 I ever spent.
November 4th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
1.) I started cutting my own bangs when I was a kid. My hair was past my ankles at the time, and I did child pageants….my mother wasn’t thrilled.
2.) You GOTTA have cheese on a BLT. I like to spice it up with wasabi mayo, or the creaters of Bacon Salt (which I carry in my purse and put on EVERYTHING) just came out with Baconaise, which I am super stoked about.
Miracle Whip pwns regular mayo anyhow.
3.) It’s still screwing with me somethin’ fierce.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
one time when i was around 3 or 4, my best friend and i used childrens safety scissors to give ourselves haircuts. and by haircuts, i mean we cut off our eyelashes:|
November 5th, 2008 at 12:01 am
I don’t get cheese on apple pie, either. Ew. I do like a slice of Provolone with my egg salad sandwiches, though. Except it makes the egg salad slide right off the sandwich. Who knew? Egg Salad + Bread = Traction. Egg Salad + Cheese + Bread = Landslide.
I used to work with this really obese woman who would order a BLT for lunch with extra B, and hold the LT. She basically ordered a bacon and mayo sandwich. With extra bacon. And a diet Coke. No lie. The meal deal for that shit should have included a fucking angioplasty instead of chips.
November 5th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
1. Too funny. My daughter still thinks prunes are giant raisins and nothing anyone says can convince her otherwise. She says, “I don’t like little raisins, why in the heck would I eat a giant one?”
As for haircuts – our 3rd daughter cut her’s so badly we had to buzz her with clippers and everyone thought she had cancer. People would stop us in the street and get all teary eyed. It was horrible.
2. Mayo = semi congealed fat. I wouldn’t put that in my mouth for 1000 bucks and chance to see Costas Mandylor naked. It’s just wrong and nasty. Miracle Whip is just as bad… tangy fat… just, ewww. And have you seen mayo that’s been left out, it starts to get a film on it and turn yellow. (GAG)
3. The pugs are too dumb to notice a difference. Life is easy when you’re as smart as moss.
November 5th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Cheese on apple pie is good! It has to be very, very sharp cheddar, though. And the pie needs to be made with Granny Smith apples – if it’s too sweet it just doesn’t work. This could just be the New Englander in me, though.
For a real head trip, I dare you to try salt on a slice of a Granny Smith apple.
November 5th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
1) The honesty in children is brutal. I love it too.
2) I have never heard of anyone putting cheese on an apple pie. Is that … real? Ew.
3) He may not be impressed, but he sure does have you wrapped around that little paw doesn’t he?
November 7th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Speaking of cheese, last night I made a Minneapollis specialty, a Juicy Lucy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jucy_Lucy
I put my own twist on it, I spiced up some ground turkey using two wide thin patties then I put chili-lime guda in the the center of one and blue cheese and motzarella on another(Blue cheese doesn’t melt very well on its own) and then you seal the cheese with the second patty and grille it. They were yum. But the first bite is dangerous, there was a cheese explosion.